When you get to this age, some of your friendships have multiple layers to them. Since this blog is part therapy/part historical record for the nieces and nephews, I thought it was important to try and get a cross section of all eras of my life to be represented. So far, family has chimed in, as well as friends from my high school, college, and work lives. But I've also had church friends, as well as friends that moved through different labels depending on our "status." This is the tale of my church friend, first boyfriend, and then first ex-boyfriend, and my "older brother," Dan.
I first met Danny, now known as Dan, at church when my family moved from Utah to Connecticut in 1980. His family too, had relocated from Utah, and our congregation was pretty small. It was inevitable that since we were within a few years of each other, our social spheres were going to overlap. We had Primary together, then youth activities, seminary, temple trips, etc. Basically, a bunch of us grew up together. We were "church friends" for many many years.
Our religion is very conservative, and there are definite guidelines about just about everything. Including dating: when to date, how to date, how to avoid getting into areas of temptation, etc. Being properly brought up, Dan waited for me to be old enough to date, and then was probably the best first boyfriend a girl, or her parents, could ever ask for. Out of respect for his wife, that's all I'm going to say about that period of our relationship.
Now, perhaps it was because we had been friends for so long, it was difficult for me to initiate the conversation that changed our status once again. But it ultimately was for the best. Dan continues to be a gentleman, as you'll see below, but it did take some time to circle back to being the fraternal platonic friends that we were and are.**
In another Mormon tradition, we exchanged letters while he was on his mission, but it was always as friends, with my "older brother" giving advice that I really should have followed more. But what sister completely, or ever, listens to her sibling?
Time has gone on. Dan met the lovely and generous MickiAnne, married, settled down, and has three children. Thanks to MickiAnne's approval there were occasional phone calls and e-mails, a brief visit when their two boys were really young, as well as her annual Christmas cards. Thanks to the latter, I am more aware than ever of the passage of time. Their eldest is now in high school! Their youngest, a daughter, is the age that I was when I moved to CT. How is it possible?
Intellectually, I know that time has passed. I sure as heck see it in the mirror everyday, but perhaps because I haven't seen him very often, when I read Dan's entry, I still see the high school boy who was my friend and still is one of my other brothers.
Thank you to MickiAnne and to Dan too. We're not old, just more "mature."
Says Dan: You might have turned 40 but I'm going to turn 43 and can't blog, stay away from Facebook and don't get me started on twitting. I sent my first text today. I will do my best. Here we go:
Little sis,
I have known [Auntie Nettie] since we were kids. I don't remember when her family moved in to the area and the ward (branch at the time).
I think we really started hanging out in 1987, my senior year of high school. We spent a lot of fun times going to her high school football games. I remember going to the games, a lot of rainy nights and getting wet. I had a lot of fun. Of course she wasn't 16 yet so we couldn't date, so I had to meet her there at the games, but we still had a lot of fun. After the season was over we didn't do a lot but church activities and somehow we started to like each other and after she turned 16 we could finally start dating. Of course we had to double date at first, friends from church and school. It wasn't until months later we could go out by ourselves. She went to senior prom with me; that was a big dress, southern-belle-type with a metal hoop***. Also who could forget my graduation party at the Four-H Club where we played tennis for hours? Didn't stop until after midnight. That was a lot of fun.
After school got out and the summer came there was youth conference. That was fun as well, but it was the start of the end as boyfriend and girlfriend. The nice thing was that when we broke up and said we should still be friends, we were. The relationship of dating just stopped and the relationship of just being friends took over. I think she is the only person I dated and then ended up being better friends after than before.
[She] became my little sister and I became her big brother. She is the oldest of three and I am the youngest of five. It was nice for her to have a big brother to talk to about things and it was nice for me to have a little sister to help and listen to. Since then we have kept in touch somewhat, have seen each other a couple times, Christmas cards and so on. Even though we don't talk or see each other a lot, I still feel like we are as good of friends as we have always been.
[Nettie] is very talented and one of the nicest people I know. Happy 40th, you old lady, and many more to come.
P.S. Every year you get older so do I!
{Auntie Nettie says: And if THAT isn’t a snarky older brother comment, I don’t know what is!}
** Also, in fair disclosure, this is the ONLY relationship I have had where I still am on good terms, or any terms, with my ex. I really think that being friends for so long really made the difference. Given my past dating history, I think I can fairly confidently say that I am better as a friend than as a girlfriend. Well, except for G-Dawg. We have a *very* "special" relationship status.
***Do you know how hard it is to find a dress that fits a curvy body type, that conforms with conservative dress standards, is affordable, is flattering, and is timeless? The 1980s were NOT good for hair or fashion styles for anyone. If you honestly thought I was dragging out prom photos, you are reading the wrong blog.
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