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PROGRAMMING NOTE from the Author and Archivist


So obviously I just stopped blogging on this platform. I'll get back to it eventually. Or not. I'm taking a break from all social media. It seemed necessary for my mental health.

The last few years have been busy and … challenging:

- 2015 Happened.
- 2016 Let's call it The Lost Year. (Obviously words failed me.)
- 2017 about broke me. Literally. Mentally.
- 2018 was ridiculous, proving 2017 was just a warm up. (Good thing I was already broken so it couldn't hurt as much.#2018TrashCanFire I thought things were going okay, but maybe not?)

- 2019 was such a blur. I know there were highlights, but then stuff happened and carried into the next year...

- And then in March#2020 really took a turn. Who can even categorize 2020? Do we dare?


I kinda want a do-over of some of the last few years. But life doesn’t work that way.


So for now, I'm hunkering down. Regrouping. Trying to stay safe and sort some stuff out.


Stay safe everyone. Stay well.

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Thursday, March 6, 2008

Well, DUH!

Another Great Headline from The New York Times.

NOTE: emphasis throughout my own

Come on guys --- get a clue.

What say all my smugmarried friends? Is this true?

March 6, 2008
Men Who Do Housework May Get More Sex
By THE ASSOCIATED PRESS
Filed at 7:46 a.m. ET

NEW YORK (AP) -- American men still don't pull their weight when it comes to housework and child care, but collectively they're not the slackers they used to be. The average dad has gradually been getting better about picking himself up off the sofa and pitching in, according to a new report in which a psychologist suggests the payoff for doing more chores could be more sex.
The report, released Thursday by the Council on Contemporary Families, summarizes several recent studies on family dynamics. One found that men's contribution to housework had doubled over the past four decades; another found they tripled the time spent on child care over that span.

''More couples are sharing family tasks than ever before, and the movement toward sharing has been especially significant for full-time dual-earner couples,'' the report says. ''Men and women may not be fully equal yet, but the rules of the game have been profoundly and irreversibly changed.''

Some couples have forged partnerships they consider fully equitable.

''We'll both talk about how we're so lucky to have someone who does more than their share,'' said Mary Melchoir, a Washington-based fundraiser for the National Organization for Women, who -- like her lawyer husband -- works full-time while raising 6-year-old triplets.

''He's the one who makes breakfast and folds the laundry,'' said Melchoir, 47. ''I'm the one who fixes things around the house.''

Joshua Coleman, a San Francisco-area psychologist and author of ''The Lazy Husband: How to Get Men to Do More Parenting and Housework,'' said equitable sharing of housework can lead to a happier marriage and more frequent sex.

''If a guy does housework, it looks to the woman like he really cares about her -- he's not treating her like a servant,'' said Coleman, who is affiliated with the Council on Contemporary Families. ''And if a woman feels stressed out because the house is a mess and the guy's sitting on the couch while she's vacuuming, that's not going to put her in the mood.''

The report's co-authors, sociologists Scott Coltrane of the University of California, Riverside and Oriel Sullivan of Ben Gurion University, said they were addressing a perception that women's gains in the workplace were not being matched by gains at home.

''The typical punch line of many news stories has been that even though women are working longer hours on the job and cutting back their own housework, men are not picking up the slack,'' Coltrane and Sullivan wrote.

They said this perception was based on unrealistic expectations and underestimated the degree of change ''going on behind the scenes'' since the 1960s. The change, they said, ''is too great a break from the past to be dismissed as a slow and grudging evolution.''

Among the findings they cited:

--In the U.S., time-use diary studies show that since the '60s, men's contribution to housework doubled from about 15 percent to more than 30 percent of the total. Over the same period, the average working mother reduced her weekly housework load by two hours.

--Between 1965 and 2003, men tripled the amount of time they spent on child care. During the same period, women also increased the time spent with their children, suggesting mutual interest in a more hands-on approach to child-raising.

Sullivan and Coltrane predict men's contributions will increase further as more women take jobs.

''Men share more family work if their female partners are employed more hours, earn more money and have spent more years in education,'' they said.

Pamela Smock, a University of Michigan sociologist who also works with the council, said a persistent gender gap remains for what she called ''invisible'' household work -- scheduling children's medical appointments, buying the gifts they take to birthday parties, arranging holiday gatherings, for example.

Marriage equality is more elusive among blacks than whites, with black women shouldering a relatively higher burden in terms of child care and housework, said council collaborator Shirley Hill, a sociology professor at the University of Kansas.

The report's overall findings meshed with what Carol Evans, founder and CEO of Working Mother magazine, has been observing as she tracks America's two-income couples.

''There's a generational shift that's quite strong,'' she said. ''The younger set of dads have their own expectations about themselves as to being helpful and participatory. They haven't quite gotten to equality in any sense that a women would say, 'Wow, that's equal,' but they've gotten so much farther down the road.''

8 comments:

Susan said...

I agree with Joshua Coleman, if I'm vaccuming and cleaning and he's sitting like a lump on a log, it's certainly not earning him any brownie points.

Auntie Nettie said...

When you think about it, it would be a logical deduction.

Man: "Me help woman. Woman happy. Woman no tired. Me get some nookey."

But we're women, so we just think differently.

I'll have to send you a copy of the book I got for my birthday called "Porn for Women," which wasn't all naked photos like you'd expect, but more like half naked guys cleaning, cooking, and asking what THEY could do to help around the house.

We're not so hard to figure out guys.

Anonymous said...

Hmm...I'll plead the fifth on this one.

But that book you speak of sounds fascinating.

Kristin.... said...

I like the sound of that book. Too bad I am too sick, tired and otherwise worn done from caring non-stop for my sick children, all the while sick myself, to have the time/energy to read. I need a vacation. oh look, one of them is summoning me now.

Auntie Nettie said...

I think the Porn for Women book will have to be circulated -- and/or given as a gift for Mother's Day/B-days/St. Patrick's Day.

Sorry ladies. It doesn't come with actual models, which is what would help tremendously.

I know in some areas there are "rent-a-husbands" for some handymen chores. Do you want the numbers for those?

Kristin.... said...

Yes and because I am so tired, I wrote worn "done" instead of "down"! DUH.
we actually have a rent-a-husband around here. Never needed him.
i just want someone to come administer medicine to all 4 of my kids.

testmonkey said...

Did my sister just write the word "nookey" on the internet?

Wow.

Susan said...

I've heard of that book, but never actually seen it. I'll have to go the bookstore soon and look at it! And yes, we women are NOT that complicated. It's just a matter of being helpful guys, sheesh.