Saturday, November 30, 2013

Holiday Repeats: Cooking with Christine

I can't wait to spend lots of time hanging out with Christine watching her create culinary magic. I also can't wait to get more material for my imaginary Food Network screenwriter. Nettie needs some inspiration. She's been not using that side of her brain enough lately. (Which reminds me, as I create this post for future airing, where is The Shushing Librarian? She's been altogether too quiet lately.)

Also, given recent experience Food Network host's recent on-air finger slicing on live t.v., this just cracks me up more. "That's not in the script! We're live. THIS is why we pre-tape and EDIT!"

You know you've watched too much food t.v. when, you imagine things happened this way:
TRANSCRIPT/Editor's notes:

Scene: Cape Cod Kitchen

(fade from title shot, bring down theme music, and cut into full shot of kitchen set-up)

"Welcome back to Cooking with Christine."

(Audience cheers and applauds, fade audio down and out, cue host)
(cut to 3/4 shot of host)

Host: "I'm your host, Christine, and I'm pleased to present the second installment of Cooking with Christine. Today we're going to show how to prepare Emeril Lagasse's Chile Pepper Lobster."

(cut to audience wide shot)

(Audience oooohs and aahhhhs)

(cut back to wide shot of host and guest at kitchen set-up)

Host: I'm very pleased to have a special guest, The Shushing Librarian, or as we call her, SL, who is here today to learn about this labor-intensive, yet delicious recipe.

(cue 3/4 shot of special guest)

SL: Hey there, great to be here. So, Christine, can you tell me what all is in this recipe?

(cut back to wide shot of host and guest, show kitchen tabletop with prep)

Host: Well, SL, the full recipe can be found on our web-site. We've made some exceptions. We completely cut the two kinds of onions, and we added some chopped shrimp.

SL: So, to recap, Chile Pepper Lobster over Saffron Linguine usually contains the following:

(cue close shots of prepped ingredients as they are read off the notes/split screen with ingredient lists)


1 cup olive oil

2 tablespoons peeled, seeded, and chopped Italian plum tomatoes
2 tablespoons chopped onions
2 tablespoons chopped fresh cilantro
2 teaspoon minced garlic
1 tablespoon chili powder
1 teaspoon crushed red pepper
1 teaspoon ground cumin
1 teaspoon salt
4 turns freshly ground black pepper
4 servings Saffron Linguine
1 pound cooked lobster meat (from 3 live 1-pound lobsters), cut into 1/2-inch pieces
1/4 cup coarsely grated fresh Parmesan cheese
1/4 cup chopped green onions

(cut back to high shots of stovetop)

Host: That's right. First you, combine the oil, tomatoes, onions, cilantro, garlic, chili powder, red pepper, cumin, salt, and black pepper in a large skillet over medium heat and cook for 6 minutes. As you can see, we already started this process.

SL to audience: I wish you could be as close to this as I am. It smells delicious!

(cut to audience shot)

(audience applauds lightly and laughs)

(cut to long shots down countertop)

Host: SL, since I see you have an injured arm, hopefully you have a helpers on hand to chop the cilantro and seafood, so you can add the other ingredients and make sure they don't burn.

(cut back to host and SL 3/4 shot)

SL: I'm a better eater than chopper, so I'm glad you have helpers. What's next?
Host: Once the onions and tomatoes are ready, turn off the heat and allow the mixture to steep for 10 or 15 minutes.
SL: So during this, we should also be preparing our pasta?
Host: That's right. You should prepare the Saffron Linguine, and when finished, cover to keep warm.
SL to audience: Isn't the magic of television great?

(audience laughs knowingly, yet hungrily)
(cut to 3/4 shot of host)

Host: That's right. I'm so happy to have my kitchen helpers. They are working like "house elves" to prepare the seafood; prepping our pre-cooked, cleaned, and pre-shelled shrimp and lobster. No snacking now guys.

(Cut to shots of kitchen crew:
Ed note: Crop to tight shots of kitchen crew, no one needs to see them grimacing!)

(back to the wide shot of host and guest)

SL: Whoops! Things are getting hot in here!
Host: What's a little heat in the kitchen? Let's just turn the heat back up ON THE SKILLET, to high. When the mixture bubbles, add the seafood and stir.

(cut to overhead shots of skillet)

SL: I was going to grab a piece of shrimp, but it all got in the skillet! I guess I have to wait.
Host: No worries. It's almost ready. Continue cooking the sauce, shaking the skillet, for 3 minutes, and then remove from the heat.

(cut back to wide shot of host, guest, and table top)

SL: That looks and smells incredible! I could dive right in. I see in my notes that you varied the recipe from the original at this point.
Host: That's right. Usually, you divide the pasta into bowls and put the sauce on top. I think adding the pasta directly to the sauce adds flavor to the pasta and a new dimension to the sauce.
SL: Thank goodness for more television magic. This bowl just appeared in front of me, and the Parmesan is already melted into yummy goodness. Can I dive in?
Host: Go ahead. Let me just tell the audience that this usually serves about 4-6 as a main course. Many thanks to Emeril for letting me adapt the recipe and for my Kitchen Crew. I really couldn't do this without them. How's the pasta SL?

(cut to 3/4 shot of SL)

SL: (Muffled slurping, while nodding appreciatively as mouth is full, hand gesture)

(cut back to tight shot of host)

Host: Well, I just got the thumbs up from SL. I'm Christine, and this has been another episode of Cooking with Christine. Thanks for tuning in. I'm just going to .... try ... a ....little bit of this sauce.
(Host forgoes pretty prepared bowl of pasta and uses fingers to get every last bit of sauce out of skillet.)
(audience applause grows)
(Theme music fades up. Credits scroll over long shots of host and guest licking bowls and skillets)

The End.

Parts 1 and 2 originally "aired" in November 2011

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