Funeral Program for Roa S - April 13, 2004

In Memory of Roa Sarah

Born: August 29, 1918
Died: April 7, 2004

Beloved wife of

Junious (June)

He preceded her in death in 1964

Dedicated Mother of

Lee (Max), Jerry, and Cora

Grandmother of

7 Grandchildren*, 7 Great-grandchildren, and 2 Great-great-grandchildren

Graveside Memorial Services
Tuesday, April 13, 2004
Ogden, Utah

Dedication of Grave

Son Lee (Max)

Casketbearers

[Lee’s sons] Jed and J; [Cora’s sons] Ray and Clint; [Jerry’s son-in-law] Danny;

[Great-grandson] Dee J; [sons-in-law] Jack and Kevin

*Including Uncle Jack's daughter Pam and her kids

Funeral Reminisces

While Grandma didn’t want a funeral, we did hold viewing hours at the local funeral home. Aunt Jerry had tended to Grandma, making sure that her hair, makeup, and nails were just so. In her vibrant suit, Roa looked quite lovely and at peace. It was quite touching to see the many tributes and visitors that came to give their respects. It was also good to see my cousins and their families, and to meet the newest of Roa’s great-grandchildren, my cousin Clint’s infant son, Chance. My father’s extended family came into town from California and Utah – lots of his cousins, while some of my mother’s aunts came down from Logan.

Prior to moving to the graveside for internment, we had a private meeting for immediate family. As patriarch, Dad presided over the farewell, the casket closing, and the graveside dedication. Casket bearers were three generations of her descendants, and it was strange to see how solemn the “boys” all were, uncomfortable in their duties, their funeral clothes, and with the responsibilities.

Once we got to the cemetery, we truly got to realize how lovely the day was. It was a typical spring Utah day, with clear blue skies, fluffy clouds, and a light breeze. The spring flowers were up, the trees were in bloom, and many floral tributes at other graves added splashes of color to the area. The hillside had an exquisite view of same mountain range that had looked over Roa during the years that she lived in Ogden.

There were a few weird and wonderful moments to the day. I truly believe that animals are more aware of things than most people give them credit for. A pair of unleashed dogs had been roaming around the grounds, but seemed to understand the emotions of our ever-growing group as they got closer. One stopped to observe, briefly, before rounding up his companion and moving away at a much more sedate pace. Even the birds seemed to quiet down a bit as the proceeding got underway.

By far, the most peculiar moment came from the heavens. As someone was speaking about Roa’s family, a pair of military jets just happened to fly by on their way to Hill AFD, drowning out his words. The family just smiled once they realized the quirk of the timing. The flyover was just her brother Wayne, a pilot who predeceased her during the Vietnam War, making his presence known.

It was a pretty strange weekend, with emotions and experiences at all ends of the spectrum.

On the one hand, there was the funeral, which was, of course, an emotionally draining event -- cathartic; yet providing some closure.

On the other hand, it was Christina’s birthday. (Happy Birthday Christina!) We made sure that there was cake and a celebration. Thanks to Christina for sharing the day. (Sadly this was not the first time that family events shared the same date.)

On the one hand, it was good to be around so much extended family, from both sides of the family tree. In some cases, it was like slipping back into a familiar fold, or resuming a conversation that just paused, despite it actually being years. The bonds of family and genetics are amazing things.

On the other, it was a bit awkward to be around the cousins again after so many years. We so rarely see each other, and our lives have followed vastly different tracks, that finding common ground is a bit like wading through quicksand.

We did find common ground around the dinner table though. Thanks to the local Relief Society, food was brought in for the family, including the ubiquitous Seven Layer Salad. Nothing like the taste of iceberg lettuce, Miracle Whip, cheddar cheese, and bacon to take one back to one’s childhood. Then my brothers and I had to have our usual dinner at Grandma’s house – Kentucky Fried Chicken, coleslaw, biscuits and mashed potatoes. It was our traditional meal when we went to visit her. Finally, the family meal after the funeral was held at the local buffet, Golden Corral. More biscuits, honey butter, and carbs … and lots of Diet Coke.

It was good to have all the food to provide us energy to take on the difficult task of cleaning out Grandma’s apartment and distributing various items like, paintings, furnishing, etc. I reclaimed a photograph that I had sent her from the Cape, along with some of the letters and materials that I’d sent her over the years. I also got to claim some of the vintage jewelry from the WWII years, while boxes of sundry papers and photos were sent back to CT to be sorted through. It was fun to come across photos of the family when we were younger and mock the hairstyles and fashion, but bittersweet to realize that so many stories passed away with Roa.

I can’t speak for my brothers, but I assume that it was a bittersweet time for them as well. We all know that Grandma loved us, but we were the ones who weren’t there – in quality time or geographic closeness/location – almost everyday. To a certain degree, we were already prepared for this separation. Plus, we have the faith that we’ll see Grandma again, eventually.

For those family members who saw Grandma almost every day, the weekend and funeral must have been much more difficult to endure, the separation more immediate, the loss more painful.

Hopefully by sharing these reminisces, I’ll be able to paint a picture of Roa that brings her back to life a bit … at least until I can talk to her again and fill in all of the mysterious blanks.