Fried Adventures of the Shushing Librarian

S.L. here to give my report on Auntie Nettie's birthday feast. As part of my culinary explorations of the City, Auntie agreed to let me tag along with her and Jane from Flax Hill Gardener when they went to visit A Salt and Battery, a chip shop in the Chelsea section of Manhattan in celebration of Auntie's b-day.

We all took an oath that the weekend did not count as part of calorie counting and that the Food Police could take a long walk off the shortest part of the Chelsea Piers. Trans fats? What trans fats? Salt? Yes please. Fried foods? Load us up! This poster was a perfect symbol of the day. We all had our fingers in our ears to avoid the mocking of our own consciences. This humble facade is misleading. Auntie said she almost passed out in bliss when she walked in and smelled in all the fried wonderfulness.So many choices. Luckily, we already knew what we wanted. Small chips for everyone. Small haddock and a Diet Coke for Auntie and small pollock and a Tango for Jane.

The shop is tiny. Don't go expecting tables or seating. There's about 10 spots to perch in the window and along the side. There's a bench outside. Don't try and change the atmosphere by suggesting tables and more seating (like some blowhard did while Jane and we were eating). Embrace the place for what it is. Like this view out the front window.And while you're embracing the authenticity, don't use salt or that red stuff on your chips. Use Malt Vinegar.

Here I am, trying to score some Tango and pollock from Jane. She wasn't sharing, so I had to help Auntie with her chips. Auntie said she wasn't overly impressed by the chips and next time would skip them and just get a double portion of haddock and TUBS of the house made tartar sauce. It apparently is so much better than the American-ized relish with that pickle garbage in it, and more like dill with Crème fraiche! (Wait, she's telling me that maybe she'll try the curry sauce next time!)

To be honest, Auntie was really there for the Deep Fried Mars Bar. Apparently she's been lusting after one for about 10 years, or whenever she first saw it featured on the Food Network or the Travel Channel.

Hot from the fryer, oozing chocolate, caramel, and nougat, this Mars Bar was out of this world. (Yes, yes I did make that pun.)

A.N. Quote: "This is the best bad thing I've ever eaten!"

At least, I think that's what she said. There was some mumbling through all that gooey molten goodness. And that's saying a lot, because believe you me, that Auntie girl loves her her junk food, AND she did years of service at a fast food restaurant.

Stick a fork in me. That last bit of Fried Mars Bar just did me in. Sugar Coma!

I'm still salivating about this culinary adventure. We topped the day off by wandering up to the Chelsea Market where our eyes, ears, and other senses feasted away. ...

I can't wait to see where my culinary and other explorations take me next.

For now, I'm The Shushing Librarian ... shhhhhing off.