The Amazing Adventures of The Shushing Librarian - What Happens After Hours

With apologies to the narrator of The Real World.

This is the true(ish) story... of seven strangers/library employees... picked to work in a library...work together and have their lives taped (for security purposes)... to find out what happens... when people stop being polite... and start getting real...The Real World: The Library - After Hours.

As relayed by The Shushing Librarian to Auntie Nettie, one night when they both should have turned off the computer and have gone to bed before the next day started.

Once the clock strikes the magic hour, all the patrons are ushered out

[get out get out thanks for coming bye-bye bye-bye-now get out get out
don't let the door hit you on the butt bye-bye get out get out get OUUUUUUUUUT!]

-- sometimes forcibly by security,

and the doors are locked, the library staff breathes a huge sigh of relief.

They power down their computers,

and the staff logs off all social media, hanging up their 'ats, so to speak.
(P.S. No one needs hear, "Where you at?" all dang day.)

They do rounds to check in to see how fellow staff are fairing.
Poor Kit the Children's Librarian is already curled up in exhaustion,

and Mother Goose's goose, is, well--cooked.

No one needs to be a-moose-ing anymore.

Our mascots can bear-ly keep their chins up anymore.

We're all feel like we've been trampled by a herd of dinosaurs masquerading as patrons.

Though exhausted, we still have to run around and put the place back together for the morning staff.

It seems the pages haven't been putting the books away.
Christmas lights, really? In July?

That's better.

And the custodial staff isn't hopping to work. We've got to roost them off their pads, but they have a Toady of a Union Rep, so it's usually a pretty swampy situation between staffs.

Once everything is done, we walk out the door and find our various ways to put the day behind us -- each in our own little ways. This was sent over to me to enjoy by the Most Interesting Man in the World, who told me that even he doesn't have the fortitude to do what we do.every.single.day.

The End.

Back to the Grind.

The Amazing Adventures of The Shushing Librarian - Excuses Excuses Excuses

Hi! My Name is:
The Shushing Librarian

Greetings patrons. How may I assist you today?
The copier? Over there. The bathroom? You need a key. See the clerk.
No, you can NOT leave Jr. here for "a bit." No. I will not waive your fines.

Whoops. Sorry. Wrong mode. I was on auto pilot. This week was rough. Lots of kids hanging out in the library because it was their spring break. I know what you're thinking. Why are they in the library if they are on vacation? Because their parent/guardians do NOT have vacation and think we are a cheap, safe, alternative to child care. Which we are NOT. I repeat. NOT!

Today's post was supposed to be the first of many recapping my get-aways last year. A tour, if you will.

It was supposed to be all about all the FUN I had on vacation.

But frankly, I'm feeling a little crabby. A lot crabby actually.

Crabby and blue.

To throw out a literary reference. You know that pillow of Jo's in Little Women? The one that she used on the couch to signal if she was welcoming company or a chat? If I could have one of those pillows on the display at the reference desk, this would be it, and it would mean

APPROACH WITH CAUTION. CRANKY AND DEPRESSED LIBRARIAN AHEAD!Things have been so rough, I find myself drawn to these types of books instead of Webster's, Bartlett's, Brittannicas, and the For Dummies.If and when I get to escape, I mean, go on coffee runs, I fully intend to pick up a quick dark espresso, butcome back with things like these instead.

One for you. One for me.
Who are we kidding? They are both for me.Did I say stop pouring? Hit me again.

I know, I know.
If I want to manage my stress, I should get another job ....
I mean
Eat right, rest, and get exercise.

I do try. Here's lunch one day.

I even tried to exercise, but I had problems with the equipment being too big or antiquated.Do you know how hard it is to surf in a dress and in a cast that you are not supposed to get wet? Not to mention, there aren't waves in-land? I'm making waves, but you can't surf on them.Sometimes a librarian just has to drown her stresses and cares in tartar sauce and carbs.

A happy librarian is better for everyone.

The unfortunate (or fortunate) side effect of too many carbs, is the carb crash. I have to run behind the building, find a patch of relatively clean concrete, and catch 15 minutes. I say I'm a smoker*, just so I have an excuse to run outside every so often to get my "fix." Don't worry peeps, I'm not smoking. I'm sleeping! And don't worry about me oversleeping out there, I've even bribed one of the pages to come get me after 10 minutes or so, and to be my "excuse person." ("Oh, the S.L.? She's in the stacks with a patron.")

Speaking of excuses, I know I could have spent 15 of those minutes writing this post, but I needed the zzzzzzzzz.Things are so rough, I'm getting distracted by all kinds of things -- like dreaming of winning the lottery, so I could have any car on the lot I wanted. Oh, and to quit. Quitting was the very first thing on the list. You better believe it.

When I go to my adorable, local, historic, organic, and quaint country store,

I get distracted by junk food. The lovely people there have to come and escort me away from the popcorn machine. I guess I get mesmerized or something. I apparently have a tendency to stand there, salivating, in a daze for about 20 minutes. I have been told I scare the other customers.

Frankly, they should be scared. Don't tick off the librarians.

Needless to say, my trip to Sears for parts and service can take an interesting turn sometimes. I won't mention the one instance when I tried to read to the children at the childcare center, but there was the little problem of ... I don't actually work there. Or the time when I forgot to take my microbrews from Cape Cod Beer to the car before I headed into the place that Playskool forgot. (Please note, I am abiding by the restraining order ... I am 500 feet away from the entrance.)

The less I say about what you see here, the better.

I'm soooo soooo ashamed.

As a relief for my stress, and to get some fluids in after the saline overdosing that are not alcoholic, I head down to my other local watering hole. I have to be careful. One of the counter boys is a real jerk.

It's udderly ridiculous in a town this size that I cannot find

some privacy to go quietly insane and deal with the stress in my own special way.It's grinding me down.

One of my other dreams of winning the lottery, besides quitting, getting a new car, is to get some professional help. Yes, some of "that" kind of professional help--but also, some household staff, like a butler

and a private chef.

I'd also like a a private masseuse. Ah Sven. I have knots in my shoulders with your name on it. (Literally. I have tattoos. I *heart* Sven!) And if you notice that there is no picture of the wished-for masseuse included it's because my mental picture of who it might be changes every 2.3 seconds. (Ah, Matt Bomer. Ah, Joe Manganiello. Ah, Ciaran Hinds in Persuasion.) Whoa ..... I gots to stop that!

Let's just say, I know why the caged bird sings .... It's to keep from exploding. It's a stress valve.
In good news, however, the Board has agreed to institute the dog-therapy reading program I have been pushing for. It's good for the kids for their reading skills. It's good for the librarians for their stress levels. Check it out: Library Dogs.All of this is to say, that I'm just too busy to write up a post for Auntie Nettie's blog this week. I'll have to find some time soon to write something.

For now,
This is a wrap.And, that's a wrap.

P.S. I know, I know. It's not punny.
Sorry about all the excuses.
Somewhere along the line, the whining and the entry spiraled out of control.
As you can see, I'm ashamed that it's so bad.I'm obviously no Marcel the Shell.

Please stay tuned for a real installment of
The Amazing Adventures of The Shushing Librarian!

*Excuses by The Shushing Librarian in no way mean that Auntie Nettie, her family, friends, associates, colleagues, acquaintances, readers, patrons, condone or approve of any of the above and aforementioned carcinogenic, alcoholic, carbolic, caffeinated, and caloric methods to deal with stress. Nor do they imbibe or partake in any of the aforementioned and religiously verboten items as alluded to by the plasticine inanimate object.

Gambling, drinking, smoking, lusting, and any other inappropriate patterns of behavior are not suitable for children under the legal age of your country of residence or approved by your religious affiliation of choice.

Auntie Nettie's Attic approves of a sense of humor and reminds you take this with a grain of salt.

Tongue in cheek is obviously included.

The Shushing Librarian Returns - Florida or Bust 2011!

In the midst of all the wonderful birthday tributes, you may have been thinking ENOUGH ALREADY with the Auntie Nettie accolades. Give us something else to read. For goodness sakes, shaddup! Say, where is that Shushing Librarian!? She's the one who keeps things interesting around this blog!

No? Just me?? ! I thought so! Miss me? Don't worry. I've been out and about on-and-off for months, sending Auntie various text messages with pictures like these.

Me at a wedding: Having a wonderful time, merci very much. (Hiccup!)
Unfortunately, I did not catch the bouquet .... or the garter.
For some reason they had me go up for both.

Me at the spa:
It was Sheeeer Bliss, I tell you, even if they did spell it incorrectly.

The old thinking-of-you folderol.

(What you can't tell is that my thought bubble is thinking this sarcastically!
I gave her/you all very little thought at all; I was having too much fun!)

So now that we're all sick and tired of hearing about Ms. Old Lady Birthday Girl, and prior to her posting endless entries about HER trips over the last few months, we're going to get some posts catching up on The Amazing Adventures of ME, The Shushing Librarian.

Before we get into recent trips to Avalon, we are going to trip back down memory lane, to August 2011, when I "escaped" from Nettie and the Library and hitched a ride south to Florida with my companions of yore, C and B. Now that we rounding the corner into a month of April showers, I thought this would be a perfect time to reminisce about all the sunshine, warm breezes, and good times that were enjoyed by yours truly.

C and B were gracious enough to invite me to tag along with them again on what would be their longest road trip to date – New York to Florida and back! (If you read that as I invited myself, you would be correct.) You may remember that we had an amazing motorcycle adventure through Nebraska and South Dakota. Well, this time we thankfully took C’s Toyota, instead of a "hog." I mostly relaxed and snoozed during the drive down.

Here you will see the GPS is ready to go (which states that we--ha, we!? THEY--only have a 17 hour drive ahead of us/them).I have to give C and B a lot credit, this was not the easiest of drives. Straight down I-95 for miles--no make that states! They managed to drive until the wee hours of the morning but finally they had to make a quick stop to catch a few winks at a hotel in South Carolina. By early afternoon we arrived at our new home for the week (courtesy of B’s cousin, who handed over the house keys and said “Have a great time!”).

There was only one condition with staying at B’s cousin’s Lake Mary house. We had to enjoy happy hour at one of their favorite happy hour hangouts: Fishbones. No arm twisting here! That same evening, we headed out to enjoy $4 wine and martinis, sushi rolls and grilled oysters (oh yum!)
After a swim back at the house pool and a good night’s sleep, C and B were ready to have some fun. So, they decided to do something that they hadn’t done in decades – hang at the local water park Wet ‘N’ Wild! Lazy river float, tiki bar, and races down the water slides. So old school, but so much fun. I like my modest librarian garb for occasions such as these. No one needs to see see what pallor practically glows under this UV protected garb. Not to mention, I still can't get the cast wet. I sat in these chairs, a LOT!.A typical passing thunderstorm cut our afternoon shot. Quick, someone get me undercover!Did I mention that during this time C and B were celebrating their 10th wedding anniversary? As an anniversary present, I decide to give them some alone time and stay behind to relax at the house (in the whirlpool, up to my waist, of course) while they went out for a romantic dinner. It was at dinner they heard about the earthquake that shook up the East Coast and how Hurricane Irene was heading right to Florida!

C and B had plans to continue to drive south to Boca Raton to meet up with B’s best friend and family. They booked a room at the Boca Raton Resort & Club (a Waldorf Astoria resort), which was heavenly. Here is calm beach before the big tropical storm hit the coast. [Ed note: Auntie Nettie can attest to the loveliness of this resort. She attended a fancy schmanzy wedding there years ago - but never made it to the beach!]
B’s friend highly recommended we dine at Maggianos, which reminded me a lot of Carmine’s in New York City. Numerous plates of pasta and seafood served family-style and a full round of desserts were consumed. Any calories burned off swimming in the pool were packed right back on!The next morning C and I decided to explore the beach before we headed back north to Lake Mary. The wind was surely whipping the sand around. It was like having micro-dermabrasion over the entire body! As we walked the beach, we noticed patches of the beach were sectioned off. We finally realized that each area marked a sea turtle’s nests!
The wild surf - just the beginnings of Hurricane Irene
Someone's summer memento washed up on shore.
I have to share with you that we were all pretty worried about Hurricane Irene. C and B planned to drive back to New York over the course of three days, stopping at places they’ve never been (Outer Banks along North Carolina and Washington, D.C.). As Irene’s path became clearer, it made sense to stay in Florida, since she was passing by the Sunshine State, and drive back after the hurricane has passed over New York. This meant we all could go have some more fun!

Next stop, Universal Studios!

We decided to hang out at Island of Adventures, which included Poseidon's Fury. (My, what a big ... trident you have!)
Jurassic Park River Adventure (we got soaked! -- Look Drew, a T-Rex!)
But my favorite part, and C agrees with me, was the Wizarding World of Harry Potter! We walked through Hogwart’s Castle and took the awesome Harry Potter and the Forbidden Journey ride, complete with the flying car and the gigantic spider (which completely freaked C out!).
(This is a bit of height discrimination. Unconscionable, especially given I know pixies and fairies that got into Hogwarts!)

After the ride, we stopped for a bit of homemade Butterbeer (pure butterscotch magic!).

All aboard the Hogwarts Express!
And if you were hungry after all the adventures, you could dine on fish and chips at Three Broomsticks.
Not surprisingly, the line to get into Ollivander's was very long.
And, of course, a classic bookstore! (I am a librarian after all. I had to check out the newest in wizarding texts.)
C made a stop at Honeyduke’s to pick up some chocolate frogs for her lucky nephews. Zonko’s was right next to Honeyduke’s so B and I headed over there to check out all the jokes and toys. (Oh, what possible pranks could I pull on Auntie Nettie?)

Overall, it was a great day. See, there was even a sign about it!
C and B’s friends who live in Boca Raton decided to pack up the car and kids and come up to Lake Mary. Swimming, grilling and another fun adventure were planned. This time, we all headed to Sea World!
Here we are petting the stingrays.
Making new friends (Pst, birrdieeeee! This is SEA world, not Flying Fowl World!)
And no trip to Sea World is complete without seeing Shamu. The kids sat in the splash zone while we adults played it safe and sat well above them.
One of the rides we enjoyed the most was Journey to Atlantis. C stayed behind (she can’t take the big drops) but the rest of us hopped aboard. Boy did we get soaked! This photo ended being the favorite of the trip (B is in the white shirt next to his godson, B’s best friend is behind him, the rest of the family is the in the front).
This would have been a great ride to dry off on. Manta is a flying roller coaster spins and skims the water like a giant ray.
We capped off the fun-filled day by cooking dinner (burgers for the kids, chili pepper lobster pasta for the adults) and lounging pool side until the wee hours of the night.

Finally, it was time for us to head back home. After lots of hugs and kisses good bye to our Florida friends, we set off in hopes that Hurricane Irene didn’t cause too much damage along the East Coast’s I-95. We managed to get through Florida and Georgia without any problems. We couldn’t resist a quick stop a “South of the Border.”
This highway oasis has been around for 50 years and offers wacky, tacky shops, eateries and a place to freshen up. We got sort of a Twilight Zone feeling, so we didn’t stick around long. With C and B taking turns at the wheel, we were able to make it all the way to Baltimore before they decided to stop for the night. By the time we pulled into New York the next morning, Hurricane Irene was long gone. During our journey, we played the classic license plate game. Not only did we see most states (exceptions being Hawaii, Minnesota, North Dakota, South Dakota and Wyoming) but we saw some notable personalized license plates:

FOXY ONE

BTEMEE

LUV GOD

2DAKYS

STUNNR
(but the driver wasn’t that stunning)

And my personal favorite –
IH8MTGS

The almost 3,000 mile round trip was certainly an adventure. I think next time we will stick to flying to and from Florida. Even so, I can’t help but ask C and B – where are we going this year? (Hey, Auntie Nettie, why is C laughing and crying all at the same time?)

Please stay tuned for another forthcoming installment of ...

The Amazing Adventures of The Shushing Librarian

Wherein I visit Utah, Nevada, Arizona, and ... Chicago and suburban, Illinois ... not to mention
exotic ... New Jersey!