An open letter to TLC

Dear TLC,

I am hereby boycotting your entire channel. You used to be a quality source of information and entertainment. I used to spend entire nights and weekends solely tuned to your program lineup. (Well, before you fired Paige anyway. Since then it’s been hit or miss.) I would still occasionally stop on by to visit with Stacy and Clinton, the Roloffs, and to see the antics of the various large families. Not anymore.

I am appalled that, despite misgivings last season from one father on a certain show, (you know which one I’m talking about), you have chosen to renew the program. As the events of the summer unfolded, and are still continuing to unfold in the media, I am even more appalled that the program has not been pulled off the air … FOR THE SAKE OF THE CHILDREN.

These are impressionable young children, NOT actors, who have been thrust into the limelight. Over the last few seasons, the editing and footage aired has made it clear, to me, at least, that at least the older set of children have issues. The younger set of multiples is approaching the age when they will be entering public school, if they haven’t already. Before the mess that is now embroiling their parents became public, that factor should have been considered as well. Now they all have to deal with fame, paparazzi, stress between their parents, isolation, and an endless time period of speculation from their peers and the public.

For the sake of those children, I have imposed my own blackout of all coverage of this mess. I turn the channel when the “news” brings it up. I don’t read articles about it. This will be my only statement about it. If only I could, I would get others to join me in boycotting the program and watching your channel. Even more importantly, I would start a campaign to boycott the purchasing of products from any and all advertisers on the program and your channel.

When you bring back a real quality Learning Channel, TLC, perhaps I might visit you again.

But until then, Shame on you.

Sincerely,

Auntie Nettie

City Gardener Week 6

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Now we are cooking with canola oil!

Maybe I'll get some pesto out of this cracked pot after all.

Retroblog May 27, 1983

Today is May 27, 1983 Time 5:41 pm


I have had many things happen to me. On the 18th of May we Merrie Miss Girls had our own Merrie's Miss Mom Nite it was fun.

Why is it that I can't remember what happened in 1983, but my mother can remember what happened, who was there, and in the case of the talent shows, can remember what I played?

Maybe if I had spent more time writing things in down in this journal I might be able trigger a memory.

As you can tell, I wasn't much for recording the details. Given the time of day, I was probably supposed to be doing something else ...

More Advice to Tourists

Never Commute When You are Hungry!

Tempations are everywhere. Grand Central Terminal is especially dangerous, what with these types of Zaro's displays to taunt you. Their popcorn is especially delicious at 11:30 p.m. when it serves as dinner for those of us who work too late and don't have a chance to eat (aside from cookies and Dt. Coke).

Can I just have one of everything please?

But Dear Tourists,

Could you do us regular commuters all a flavor? Please!?

During rush hour commutes ... Get out of the traffic patterns!

See us coming (like a stampeding herd of buffaloes)? We have trains to catch. We want to get the heck out of the Big Apple (or our heels, suits, pantyhose, you name it.) Like when you drive, stay to the slow lane (on the sides). Hug the walls. Get out of the middle of passageway.

Once you have your food, do not attempt to walk, talk AND drink/eat. Go downstairs, get some food there, or find a chair. Better yet ... just leave the terminal and head elsewhere. We'd appreciate it.

Thanks,

Auntie Nettie and the rest of the regular commuters

P.S. If you buy me a chocolate cake at Zaro's or a piece of Mississippi Mud Pie from the Little Pie Company, I might be more inclined to put up with you. Just saying.

City Gardener Week 5?

Monday, May 18, 2009

Finally! This is starting look like sprouts.

Maybe I'll get something by September after all.

Lost on the Rails

Attention Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants.

I have located your shoes.

These silvery stilettos have been seen lying in the middle of the 42nd Street shuttle tracks at Track 1, just beyond the Stairway to Nowhere on the Grand Central Terminal side.

Pray tell Sisters: How have your soles survived the absence of these party shoes? What roads have your heels travelled? How can they stack up to the stories swirling in my imagination? What tales of your night life might these strappy numbers tell?

Alas, my vivid imagining of your revels quickly succumbed to my gag reflex. The sight of a very large rodent lying quite bloodily squished to death by subway car not inches from these accessories brought to an abrupt end my daydreaming.

Too bad.

Quote of the Day

From Auntie Nettie's personal art collection,

needlework done by former colleague Tina.

Legal Linguistics

Note to all those in the legal profession:

When leaving messages about the status of any legal action, never use the words "held over" or "over." "Over" has connotations of finality and/or completion. If the trial has been postponed, deferred, delayed, moved to another date, on hiatus, in recess, not happening anytime soon, etc. USE ONE OF THOSE WORDS INSTEAD.

Think about the recipient. They may be retrieving voice messages via their cell phones while on train platforms. Their reception may be spotty and muddled by loud background noises. Your use of "over" may leave the listener with the sense that maybe a long, arduous four-year process may be finally over ... A bit of optimism which could be promptly squashed (to bits) upon hearing the rest of the words in the message, especially the part about "until June 2."

Second and third listening of your message under better conditions may confirm that, in fact, "over" doesn't really mean "over."

Thank you.

Sincerely,
Auntie Nettie

P.S.
I know it's not over until it's over, but I'm SO over this whole legal mess already. People really choose to be in the legal profession? People choose to torment other people with ongoing legal actions? People choose to do this sometimes intentionally?

Query: When is "over" really, really, truly "OVER" when it comes to lawsuits and trials?

Answer: Wait. Don't answer that. Just continue to pray to the dietie(s) of your choice that it is really "over" soon, settled amicably out of court, without my presence in a courtroom, without affecting my pocketbook, and without the possibility of the issue rearing its head again.

I'm off to console myself with caffeine and lots of big fat carbs and to count down until the time when my plane ticket precludes me from being on the East Coast. Like around the time when the next trial date is "supposed" to occur!

Retroblog May 18, 1980

Today is Sunday May 18th 1980 Time 11:55 a.m.

I Love my parents dearly.

I Love my brothers (names hidden for my protection as childhood names are in use here)

I love them very much!

Please help (again, with the hidden) understand the truth and the gosple plan.

I Love the Lord they God and the son Jesus Christ.

He made the earth for all of us so we could have the earth.

He gave us a body of flesh and bones to help us run and play and to thy service to someone who needs our help.

Given the day and time of the week and the tenor of this entry, I think it was written as part of a Sunday School class. Definitely notice the testimonial feel and "churchy" tone. Also, my penmanship is remarkably neat, so I must have known that someone else was going to be looking at the entry, and was editing and writing carefully for public consumption.

That being writ, still some very important lessons for a little person, and for big ones as well.

I still love my parents dearly. I know I am the cause of many of their insurance rate hikes, grey hairs, worry lines, and sleepless nights. Sorry guys. I'll probably be doing penance for those until the end of eternity.

I definitely love and like my brothers a WHOLE heck of a lot more now than I was going to in some post 1980s years. (Teenage years and siblings -- that's another entry for another time.) I know they agree with me in saying that the family motto: "We love each other, from a distance." has totally helped our relationships.

I still love my Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. I do. I just don't wear my religious beliefs out on my sleeve too much or sermonize or proselytize on the blog. (See the blog footer for other subjects I probably won't address here.)

And the earth? Dear Lord. Thanks for that. Living on Mars would really be bad, even if I am a space cadet.

While I'm not so good with the running or playing, (too many fries and tricky knees, you know) service to others is an important life lesson. So, go out and practice random acts of kindness. I've been telling people that since I was eight.

More Adventures of the Shushing Librarian

S.L. here again,

I had such a good time on vacation with Auntie Nettie. As you've read, we had lots of adventures, travelled far and wide, and ate lots of food. Mostly though, it was good to hang out with friends in their country kitchens, where we gossiped a lot, caught up on news, and prepared food for the soul.

Isn't this a pretty ... pitcher?

Big Apple or little? ... I can't decide which has the better views.

Sadly, our song here is coming to an end.

Let me play you out ...and get down off my soapbox now

and let you get back to your regularly scheduled blog reading. Stay tuned for more Amazing Adventures of the Shushing Librarian!

More Adventures of the Shushing Librarian

S.L. again,

The other day I told you about how I needed to get out of the Big Apple and visit the country. It was a very busy weekend and I had all kinds of adventures.

You know how Auntie Nettie is trying to garden ... at her desk? (Not very successfully, I might add.)

Well, I got to actually do a bit of gardening myself.

Here I am getting ready to go out and plow a field.

This crop of violets it turning out quite well. Don't you think? I also took a walk in a country forest.

What they don't tell you about the deep woods,is that it smells foul.

Like a decapitated turkey ... fowl.

NASTY!

To clear that smell out of our noses,we drove down to the coast and visited a lighthouse,

or two, or three, or eight.

Lunch was a huge platter of fish and chips.

I'm buried in carbs!

After lunch, I went riding on the shore

and got to see some of the mutant sea creatures.Look at the size of that ... beak!

We also visited a petting zoo.

Here's a lucky cricket.

Not so lucky for him, as he's in a cage!

Nice fluffy bunny ...

This friendly lab let me rest on his head for a while.

I thought dinosaurs were extinct, but

Bronte here and his friends, Koala and Camel,

weren't at all shy in snuggling up for treats.

It started to rain, but my new friend

lent me her umbrella as we left the zoo.

Thanks ducky.

Since it was so cold and rainy, I popped in for some soup and soda.

Like the slogan said ...

It warmed my heart.

Remember kids ...

Sip your drink. Gulp down life.

More adventure tales tomorrow.

More Adventures of The Shushing Librarian

The Shushing Librarian here,

Sorry it's been so long since my last blog entry,

but I've been so busy that I've been a virtual basket case.

Seriously. My goose is cooked.

I had had it. I've been so busy in the Big Apple,

travelling around on the subway system

and working with students,

that I've forgotten how to take it ...

Plus, I got held up at knife point the other day,

so I really needed to make an escape.

I jumped in my little car and hit the road.

I travelled to Connecticut with Auntie Nettie

and we visited lots of places.

We stopped by Mansfield, Connecticut

It was a working holiday for me.

They are busy bees over there.

I also caught some rays.

More about my travels tomorrow!

City Gardener Week 4

Poor sprouts.

Too much watering by the City Gardener and

not enough sun is causing some basil bending.

I think Auntie Nettie might have a slightly black thumb.

Poet now "Puss in Books?"

From the BBC: Literary cat makes library visits

photo caption: Fidel the cat spends his days at Deal library while his owners are at work

A Kent library has been visited almost every day for two years by its own "puss in books", the council has said. Fidel, an eight-year-old black cat, turns up at Deal library almost every day while his owners are at work.

He spends the day on his favourite blue chair, only leaving the building when he sees his owners arriving home.

Staff say they have never tried to encourage Fidel with food and even used to put him outside when he first began to visit them, but he always came back.

'Art critic'

Heather Hilton, district manager for Deal Library, said: "Fidel certainly seems to like coming here and he's very popular with our customers.

"I think he's a bit of an art critic too because we sometimes see him examining the pictures on the gallery wall," she added.

A spokeswoman for Kent County Council which runs the library said Fidel was such a "dedicated customer" that he sometimes arrived before staff and could be found waiting at the front door.

Fidel is a rescue cat, whose owners chose him from a local sanctuary after he was found abandoned in a flat in Deal.


Personally, I think that this is the spirit of Edgar Allan Poe ironically reincarnated into another "Black Cat." Who say that there isn't a spirit of perverseness at work on the higher planes? I mean, look at that cat! Look at Poe ... It's not too fur-fetched.

UPDATE: You might be a redneck if ...

the electric organ on your front porch has been joined by a Barcalounger and a chest of drawers. The bird house gives it a nice touch though ...

Lovely right? This stupid organ has been on the porch since last FALL! I guess looking at this is better than the other things going on in the vicinity.

Missed the original entry? Go here.

Editriss at large

Dear Hartford Hospital Facility/Grounds Department Administrators,

I recently spent some time at your facilities. Thank you for the large signage which helped me find my way to your various care units and parking garage.
I know that you have more important priorities than worrying about the spelling and grammar on your signs, like oh, making sure that people get to the right admitting entrances and not causing accidents in the parking lots,

BUT THIS IS UNACCEPTABLE!
Sincerely,

Auntie Nettie,
Editriss at large