Photo of the Day: Reflections

Music Room, Rosen House, Caramoor, Katonah, NY

photo via iTouch

Summer Scenes 2012: Commuting Views Part 3

Walking to the train has been a bit erratic lately, just like me, the weather, and my schedule. However, when I have been walking, it's been interesting to see the little things the Big Apple reveals along the way.

Things like this hidden park nestled in the midst of a busy Midtown set of office towers. Scenes like this make me wish I could paint. The waterfall wall and the summer light had such a glow that the moment really needs to be rendered like an Impressionist painting. The iTouch camera almost captures it that way, with no filters required.

Where were these crystal clear skies when I was walking during Summer Streets? No haze really shows off the various facets of the various kinds of architecture.

As you wander the streets you can get some wonderful decorating ideas for your home or office (If you don't fear picking up bedbugs or some other "thing," you could actually take the things home.)

Why cart around clothes in a suitcase? In New York, you carry around books (or bodies).

Within inches of this book sale, you could get a soda out of the fridge, and then take a seat. Literally. You could take a seat.

New Yorkers eke out as much liveable spaces as possible. If your landlord is lenient (or the Fire Marshall hasn't cracked down), your fire escape can become a garden. The tenants in the picture on the right has creaked a patio, complete with a picket fence, furniture, and a grill.

Sometimes the art you see is a bit hare-brained, but then you see a wall that you totally wish you could copy in your own home.

I walked by this charming piece twice before I actually remembered to stop and take a picture. It was meant to be sculptural, but you could create something like this from an old bike and baskets and spray paint. Look at the votive jars. The rear basket is filled with corks.

Typos aside, cute sign. New Yorkers love their dogs.

This pup had his own care bear to take care of his boo-boo.

What I also love about New Yorkers is that they just do their business anywhere, anytime, no matter what. Glare from ballerina reads: Just toting my tutu - you gotta problem widdat?

Advertising is not always representative of the quality of the dining experience or the food. Take Island Burgers and Shakes: nondescript marquee, apparently really good food. It's on my Island Hopping agenda for sure, but not the burgers, (darn you e coli), the chicken. On the other hand, sometime prioritizing your marketing message is important.

Too many drinks though, and anyone starts to look like a hard chiseled body. "Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy. But here's my number, so call me maybe"

Despite the name, I found a lot of religious message scattered throughout Hell's Kitchen.

I don't really hold much with horoscopes, though the day I wrote this up, two were pretty appropriate:

Whatever has transpired this week, it's time to let go of any intense or negative energy and clear your mind. During these periods of relaxation, when you allow your mind to go into a different space, you can subliminally sort through any issues.

Some things will never change and you need to accept that fact. You may be one of those people who want to improve the lives of others, but you've got to be sensible about it. Even an Aquarius can only do so much.

I do need to reflect upon these, and then let the exercise and the river wash away the stress.

Acts 2:19 And I will shew wonders in the heaven above, and signs in the earth beneath.

Recipe for Reflection

Once upon I had a dream. It was so vivid. It was one of those dreams you wake up from and you can't believe that where you just were wasn’t your “real life.” It involved me being a bonus mom to two blonde little boys. We adored each other.

Adored.

But then I woke up.

Wondered. Cried a little. And tried to put it behind me.

Life has gone on.

The dream has faded.

It’s now a bittersweet memory – one that is only occasionally revived as the years have gone on by the casual mention by one of the two people I shared it with, or some other trigger or another.

I have a blonde little boy in my life. Two actually. But they are not mine to mother.

But, I had an epiphany this afternoon.

I was in the midst of stirring in the 4 cups of flour in yet another cookie recipe. Muttering in my head. Cursing my compulsion.

Why do I do this? Why do I feel the necessity of constantly making cookies? Why do I bother? Dang (actually another word) my shoulder hurts, I should stop stirring for a moment.

So I did.

And I realized.

I realized who all these cookies end up feeding, besides me.

The I.T. boys
The Security Guard Dudes
The MailRoom Guys

Huh! So, I do have my boys.

Better yet. I don’t have to mother them. I don’t have to pick up after them, deal with their laundry, harass them about their chores, find their lost stuff, shuttle them to practices, deal with their boy stinkiness, clean up after their bathroom issues, or handle all the annoying things. I just have to feed them occasionally.

This is better.

But still.

I can’t help but remember how I felt in the dream.




I might have been a good mother.


.....


Right.

Back to stirring

Photo of the Day: Reflective Reverie

New York Botanical Garden, June 2011

Photo of the Day - What a Rapid 2010!

River Trip 2010, Salmon River, Idaho

Well, this was quite a rapid year, filled with all kinds of ups and downs. I recently took stock, by reading back through all the 2010 blog posts. A lot happened, more than I could have anticipated at this point in 2009.

All in all, aside from my summer of medical mysteries (seriously, no more ground brown cow!) leading to the postponement of the MidWest Road Trip, I wouldn't change much. Sure, there were things I didn't get to do, projects not completed, books not read, and people I could have been touch with more ... but wow.

Look at some of what happened, in no particular order or level of importance:

Montauk

Welcome Nathan!

a-ha

North Carolina

River/Road Trip 2010

doctor's visits, and more visits

parental relocation

three trips out West

Cape Cod

crafts

books

the New York Botanical Garden

recipes tested

STING! (OMG It's STING!)

relationships explored and examined

brand spanking new computer for FREEEE

new social media outreaching

museums

concerts

performances,

and not to forget

guest posts by The Shushing Librarian

It's been quite a year of changes, and I think I'm getting better at navigating the current. Friends and family are invaluable life preservers -- and a blog is a wonderful way to document the journey.

Hopefully 2011 won't be so choppy so I can do more than wave at you while I float on by,

but if you look carefully,

you'll see

I'm actually grinning with glee!

Happy New Year,

xo Auntie Nettie

Lifelines

Feeling pensive. Glad I have my lifelines.

Seen on the River/Road Trip 2010: Come & Sit a Spell

Usually I'm an armchair traveller ...

not anymore.

Even when you're travelling, you have to sit for a spell and take it all in.

Life's a beach. You just have find your restful shore.

Retroblog Things I did 1981(?)

Here are some things I did this year.

I visited a park, zoo, or jungle; and another state.

I made a collection of horses.

I got an A in MOST of my classes.

I read a book about the black Stallion.

I watched a movie.

I took a music lesson.

I learned how to chorchet.

I kept a secret.

I made a mistake.

There are more parallels between 1981 and 2009, the young Nettie and the Auntie Nettie.

This year, I visited another state AND a park.

I made a collection of yarn and books, rediscovered my collection of horses and sea shells.

I got a sunburn.

I read LOTs of books.

I watched t.v., movies, saw a parade of horses, and saw falling stars in the shape of fireworks.

I took a surprise to a friend, and took an imaginary trip to lots of places and planets.

I kept secrets, records, copies, and treasures.

I made mistakes, things to wear, and things to eat.

Most importantly, I crocheted lots of things in Auntie Nettie's Attic. I may have originally learned how to crochet back in 1981, but I put the hook down and forgot. It wasn't until 1995 that I picked a hook back up and I've been "hooked" ever since. I'm no expert, but I keep trying to learn how to do new stitches and make new projects. I make enough to try and keep me in yarn. Next year will be the 15th Anniversary of the Attic. WOW!

Retroblog Wish I had done 1981(?)

Even though this is 2009, and not 1981(?), some of my wishes for this past year are the same.

I wish I had kept on doing something even though it was hard.

I probably could have made better use of my time, as there were definitely a few more projects that I needed to do and people I needed to contact.

Everyone needs to earn more money, but just breaking even(ish) in this economy counts for something -- especially when you give up a job to maintain your life and sanity.

I wish I had gone more places, but requires more time and money. In the larger scheme of things this year, thanks to some very good friends, I got to go to a few places that I never would have made it to on my own ... and the memories and photos will sustain me for a very long time.

All in all, I have learned to be grateful for what has happened and what I did manage to do, rather than dwell on the what-might-have-beens.

Retroblog To Do List Recap 1981(?)

Here's a list of things I didn't want to do, but did anyway:
X practiced my piano. (yuk)
X did my homework
X ate some swiff crad (didn't like it but it was good for me)
X apologized for a mistake I had made
X threw away some stuff I didn't need any more

Here are some other things I didn't want to do but did anway.

Go to a party. Do my work.

Isn't there a saying about who you are as a child is at the core of who you are as an adult?

If you look at this, and compare it to me now, it's pretty much the same.

I still don't like to do my work. I'd rather be reading (or blogging, or surfing the 'Net.)

I don't like to go to parties. I'm not a party girl. I go to parties and end up hanging out in the kitchen with the caterers. At one party I went to, the other guests thought I was the caterer! Good people, those caterers. Watch them, and other event throwing types, and you learn a lot of valuable stuff. Comes in handy when you are a bridesmaid about a half dozen time. Not to mention the baby showers.

I HATE (loathe and despise, and will gag and vomit if I have to eat) swiss chard. I didn't know the word crap as a kid, but I almost wrote it here. Maybe my subconscious knew what crap was and was trying to write that to describe swiss chard.

In one sign of progress, I am getting MUCH better about throwing away stuff I don't need anymore. Almost 15 years of living and working in and out of New York studios helps you deal with storage issues. Oh, I still have too much stuff. But I'm having lots of fun getting rid of it. (5 things a day ... try it. It's addictive. Just get rid of 5 things a day, and after time, it starts to make a difference.)

Retroblog Year-End Review 1981(?)

Well, it looks as if I've survived, [an] o.k. year.

I too have survived an o.k. year. Not only survived, but enjoyed one of the better years lately. By cutting back on jobs, learning to say [hell!] no to some things and yes! to others, trying to go places I haven't been before, trying new things, and trying to stretch myself, I've had a really good time.

And what's better? I've actually recorded a lot of it ... and shared it with the blogosphere.

It's taken me almost (*ahem*) years between this journal and this here blog to get a lesson that I should have learned when I was a wee small Nettie.

Who says you can't teach an old dog new tricks?

Ramblings from the Road

Vacation/Retreats are so important. I knew that. Honestly, I did. But this time ... I really understood the importance.

In my normal urban environment, there is so much hustle and bustle, and a lot of stress. I knew it was bad, but I didn’t realize quite how tightly I was coiled and how much I ached from all the hunching, until I could retreat and unwind. Aside from the mountains miles away, there is nothing looming overhead and no tunnels to crawl through. The open empty spaces help you to drop your defensive body postures. You can lie out in the sun and let the heat bake the ache out of sore muscles and bones. The quiet allows you to empty your mind of negativity and anxiety. The disconnect from your regular environment, and from electronica, allows the brain to slow down. Sleeping also helps heal the body and calm the soul. Dreaming becomes more vivid, as the natural sleep cycle isn’t interrupted by alarm clocks or the noise. (I'd rather look at this versus this!)

Sometimes in New York, it’s so noisy, you sometimes cannot hear yourself think. I needed to go somewhere quiet. Out West, at the retreat, there were few, if any sounds. No highway noises. I almost didn’t know that the neighbors were there. There were no electric pulsing guitars underfoot. There was no building-shaking stomping neighbors overhead. There was no apartment-rattling slamming doors. There were no street sounds, no garbage trucks, no sirens, and just a few yipping dogs. Most importantly, there was no need to have the television or radio on all the time to drown out the background noise. It was so blessedly quiet, I could literally hear the ringing in my ears.

Vacation helps you to sloooooooooooow down. You need to remember how to work on a different speed. Instead of rushing to catch trains, subways, meet deadlines, rush through lunch, rush to the next thing, it was important to sleep in, enjoy the time difference, be lazy, and depending on the days’ activities, learn patience.

When vacation means spending lots of time with little nieces and nephews, you learn to have slow down and make plans only in a general sense. You learn that it may take twice as long to do things, especially with independent little ones who “can do it MYSELF.” You learn to have patience to deal with all of their questions, tantrums, pouts, snits, potty trips, and their vastly variable speeds, from dragging their feet at new situations, to their darting quickness, especially in parking lots. You learn patience at meal times, when kids will take forever to eat their food, but will scarf up their treats as soon as you turn your back. You learn patience because the nieces and nephews will try new stunts with you, because they think that Auntie doesn’t know what their rules are. (Oh no kiddies, Auntie Nettie knows your tricks!)

You learn to treasure the little moments and the unedited childlike reactions—like Drew’s “non-reaction” when I showed up.

No really, kiddo, I loved the fact that you were like so what?! “But Moooom. I can’t find my shirt!” That was more precious to me than a faked reaction. You have family dropping by all the time. Why should Auntie Nettie’s appearance be any different? I loved all my time with you. I love how you get endlessly amused at bad chicken crossing the road jokes, the laughs at McDonalds, and how much fun you had at the arcade just putting tokens in the slot machines, not to mention all the games. For me, spending time with you was fun just being with you, and, strangely, for the deja vu. Sometimes, it was looking back in time and playing with your father again at that age. If you ever saw me laughing at some thing you did or naughtiness you pulled, I couldn’t help it. Because I probably had seen it before, or was the instigator, like I was 30 some odd years ago.

Amber, my little chip off the old genetic block, I’m so happy that you were happy to see me. Last time I was there, you were still so shy and uncertain about all kinds of strangers. To have you give me a hug right off the bat, and to eventually clamber up for snuggles and a story, was just as wonderful to me as having you be sassy and then get in trouble with your Momma. (I know that Momma may not agree about the sassiness.) You are quite the limber little monkey.

My little Ellebelle has probably changed the most since I saw her last, and, happily, is not a bit shy with strange aunties that show up at her house. At 14 months, you can tell that part of her wants to be just like her big sister. She’s running to catch up, and her communications skills, verbal, visual, and non-verbal are great. I love how you can just see her processing new information and figuring things out. We had a few minutes alone together one day after her nap, when we were sitting together alone on a couch, and she was staring at me with the most quizzical look on her face. Elle kept going “Poppa?” (Close, honey, but not quite.) You see Amber, their Dad, and I all have the same features, and now all of our hair is about the same length, texture, and color. No wonder the kid was confused.

Now the kids’ strange Auntie Nettie needs to learn how to internalize all the lessons that she learned on this trip. From how to find the quiet moments in a hustle-bustle noisy environment to de-stress; how to listen to the still quiet voice within; how to find the absurd silliness in bad classic jokes; how to play well with others even when you can’t understand while they can’t catch up; how to communicate better when my interpersonal and verbal skills aren’t that good; and how to patiently wait until the next time I can go on a much-needed retreat.

Sadly, I’ve been back a few days now, and can already feel the vacation relief wearing off. My tolerance level for the grime and noise has to be built back up, and I can already feel the defensive hunch coming back. The first days of work, the commute, and the adjustment to the time change was really a test of my patience.

Thank goodness it’s only a four-day week!