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PROGRAMMING NOTE from the Author and Archivist


So obviously I just stopped blogging on this platform. I'll get back to it eventually. Or not. I'm taking a break from all social media. It seemed necessary for my mental health.

The last few years have been busy and … challenging:

- 2015 Happened.
- 2016 Let's call it The Lost Year. (Obviously words failed me.)
- 2017 about broke me. Literally. Mentally.
- 2018 was ridiculous, proving 2017 was just a warm up. (Good thing I was already broken so it couldn't hurt as much.#2018TrashCanFire I thought things were going okay, but maybe not?)

- 2019 was such a blur. I know there were highlights, but then stuff happened and carried into the next year...

- And then in March#2020 really took a turn. Who can even categorize 2020? Do we dare?


I kinda want a do-over of some of the last few years. But life doesn’t work that way.


So for now, I'm hunkering down. Regrouping. Trying to stay safe and sort some stuff out.


Stay safe everyone. Stay well.

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Thursday, May 30, 2013

Surviving as an Introvert in New York City

Recently I had the wonderful occasion to watch a bright, inquisitive, brave little 8 year-old as part of her first visit to NY.

I say brave because the City is hard on introverts -- which, it turns out, we both are -- as is meeting new people. I don’t know who was more nervous about this visit, the 8 year-old or the forty-something. (Probably me, I had longer to think about it.) I’ve gotten better about meeting new people, but man … this City – can really just take it out of you if you have to deal with it on a daily basis. Given that, most of our “activities” in the City actually involved just hanging out at my office for a few hours for some “downtime.” Honestly, it was for both of our benefits.

My little friend has the advantage of the adults around her already knowing about and reading the book by Susan Cain about introverts. I wish that this had been around when I was her age. It would have helped “my” adults and me so much over the years. Instead, I had to find my own ways to navigate the various situations I found myself in, and learn how to deal with the people in my life. It has made me think about some of my various family members, about three generation’s worth, and be better able to understand some of their personality traits a little better. It definitely will affect how I interact with some of my nieces and nephews – my little friend’s contemporaries.

I was thinking about how to explain to her how I cope in the City – if it came up. It’s hard to articulate. It’s even hard to explain to my friends and family why sometimes, I just have to hole up in my Attic, lock the door, and not talk to, or emerge from my space for a day, or days, at a time. (It’s even harder to explain to your employers about your need to work in semi-isolation, to be undisturbed, or to try and have at least 1 or 2 days a week when you would just love to not have a freaking meeting already … Or why you end up doing more work from 5-8 p.m. when the office is “closed” and everyone is gone. It’s a good thing our sick days don’t require doctor’s notes. Mental health days are not made-up. They are real necessities for some of us.)

Commuting into, and/or living in, Manhattan is both a blessing and a curse. On the one hand, you can be camouflaged and absorbed into anonymity. You can go to movies by yourself, eat at a bar or counter by yourself, and take advantage of the many offerings the City has to the extent you desire – by yourself. On the other hand, from the sheer volume of noise generated by automatic announcements on the mass transit system, to the incursion into personal space in the commute, to the forced social interactions in the workplace, not to mention the sensory overload of, well -- everything -- it gets to be … a bit draining.

So I’ve learned how to deal over the years and have built up a tolerance – to a degree. I’m more aware of my triggers and am getting better about articulating what I need from, and at, work, and have learned coping mechanisms, including mediation and visualization techniques. Like visualizing my own personal shield bubble.

Imagine it’s like this. Imagine you are at the center of an all-encompassing bubble. Depending on the situation, the bubble is either extended or constricted around you. Even if you are crowded on the subway, with people up in your space, YOU know the shield bubble wall is there between you and the person in your space. It is keeping you safe. The people “bounce” off it – the bumps and jostling doesn’t actually touch YOU. (Even if you do get accidentally punched in the chest.) Everything is not quite “there” as much. The noise and the glare and the people can’t hurt you – as much. [In the physical world, manifestations of your shield could include your ear buds, sunglasses, and large messenger bags. Sometimes you have to wear the ear buds and sunglasses in your office too. But then you add Do Not Disturb signs.]

It may be an illusion, but the illusion is needed to function. We introverts all do what we need to do to function in this world.

But the reality is … that each interaction starts to erode our ability to function. Our coping mechanisms get weaker when we are out and about too much. We need quiet time, in our own environments. Imagine the shield is powered down and recharging – like your phone needs to. Sometimes that recharging means shutting the rest of the world out, closing a door, turning off a phone, shutting out distractions, and just being by yourself. Sometimes that recharging means going to another “happy place” with a change of scenery, etc. (like me and a beach.) There’s nothing “wrong” with us – it’s just how we operate. The recharge could only be an hour or two, overnight, or a weekend, or even longer. It is going to depend on how you operate and/or how eroded your coping mechanisms might be.

New York City is probably one of the most extroverted places on earth, aside from a theme park … and it would seem to be counter-intuitive that introverts are able to manage here. But, we can and we are. In our own ways.

It can be hard to be a daughter of an extrovert, but sometimes mothers know what their daughters will need to learn. My mother also first introduced me to New York sometime after I was 8. She, too, pushed me to explore new places, introduced me to new people, and gave me the tools to start building up my coping mechanisms for the world.

But it’s still hard. And I’m still learning. From lots of people and by trial and error.

I’m just glad, in this case, I could be a slightly less extroverted Auntie Mame for my little friend.

Hopefully I didn’t scare or scar her too much.

Now, if you will excuse me, all this self-presentation is making me need to go off-line and reboot my protection shields.

Powering

down...

Over and out.

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