Poem of the Day: Twas the diet after Christmas

In bottom of a drawer that used to be my drawer, in the the back of a desk that used to be my desk, in an office that used to be my office, was found a pile of random documents, including this funny poem on the back of a sheet from the fax machine ... from 1999.

[Yes, I cleaned out that desk before it wasn't mine anymore. Yes, other people had too. We just hadn't taken the drawer out of the desk, disassembled the desk, turned the desk literally upside down, and removed the desk parts from the office.]

"Hey wait!" she said, as the pile of random papers was about to be discarded or refiled, or shredded, "I think .... I think I typed that one sheet right there. It certainly looks like a font I would've used. Can I have it back?"

Please enjoy this blast from the past. Maybe it will resurface in another 15-20 years or so.

Twas the diet after Christmas

Twas the day after Christmas, and all through the house

Nothing would fit me, not even a blouse.

The cookies I'd nibbled, the eggnog I'd taste

At the holiday parties had gone to my waist.

When I got on the scales there arose such a number!

When I walked to the store (less a walk than a lumber.)

I'd remember the marvelous meals I'd prepared;

The gravies and sauces and beef nicely rared,

The wine and the rum balls, the bread and the cheese

And the way I'd never said, "No thank you, please."

As I dressed myself in my husband's old shirt

And prepared once again to do battle with dirt --

I said to myself, as I only can

"You can't spend the winter disguised as a man!"

So away with the last of the sour cream dip,

Get rid of the fruit cake, every cracker and chip

Every last bit of food that I like must be banished

'Til all the additional ounces have vanished.

I won't have a cookie - not even a lick.

I'll want only to chew on a long celery stick.

I won't have hot biscuits, or corn bread, or pie,

I'll munch on a carrot and quietly cry.

I'm hungry, I'm lonesome, and life is a bore --

But isn't that what January is for?

Unable to giggle, no longer a riot.

Happy New Year to all and to all a good diet!

Merry Christmas 2016!

Peace be unto you and yours during this Holy Holiday season. 

courtesy of Caramoor's Rosen House collection, as taken by me.

~photo by iPhone

Looking for Christmas Magic!

Sarah and Drew wish you all find the magic of the Christmas Season.

Photo by their mother, Kelli, used without permission -- SORRY KELLI!
I mean, doesn't that look like a Rockwell picture? It's amazing what a iPhone camera and some filters will do.

Auntie Advent: The Final Chapter

I was almost through all the Auntie Advent packages and realized I had no idea how to reciprocally THANK the kids.

Until I realized I couldn't, so I should just say Thank You in a series of ways that was as spread out as their gifts.

So late one night, I spent time printing out the following message and addressing one envelope for each letter, symbol and piece of punctuation, and filling it with little treats. The next morning I started the staggered mailing process

The kids were supposed to color in the letters and unscramble the following message:

15 envelopes later, I think everything finally got there, because I go this message earlier last week.

THANK YOU Christina, because I know you had the most to do with it.

Long Distance Christmas E-Cards

After all the years that I was able to take an extended vacation to Utah/Arizona/Nevada and then Idaho during Christmas breaks, it has been interesting to NOT for this particular holiday. Having Thanksgiving is one thing, but Christmas is another. (In all honesty, it was ... better to have a break this year. I needed it.)

Thankfully, with the immediacy of modern technology, I can still experience it in more real-time than my poor grandmothers could not that long-ago.

A few branches of the tree came together for an early Christmas. Grandmary and Grumpa were able to spend time with the Nevada crew before Kelli and the Kids peeled off to see the paternal step-side of the family.

Grumpa reports with his iPhone photos:
Jed was at work but after soup and crackers we opened the gifts from you, mom, and Idaho family. The following are just a sample of what we saw. Cannon was running a fever, but staked out his spot and spread out. [Your] sunglasses were a hit. Drew loved all your little items and will be using them as soon as he can. After things settled down, I caught one of the cat lover. 

 (I'm sorry Grandmary, but the squirmy twins look like they want to bolt.)

I missed the initial FaceTime request while the parentals were there, but I got to FaceTime all of them much much later that night. I was already make-up free and ready for bed, so we had a FaceTime chat where I had my sunglasses on. (I wear my sunglasses at night, so I can, so I can ...)

Sarah and Cannon got sunglasses from me because Sarah had spent so much time when I was there in November wearing mine - I had to! (And if you get one twin one thing, you better get the other one something similar.)

Oh, the smudgies I had to get off of my glasses.

On Christmas Eve, Grumpa sent me photos of the parentals' present to themselves and their neighbors to the south. A HUGE 110ft long fence, so you couldn't see out the back of the house, down directly into the neighbor's pool, hot-tub, and house. They've been planning this and some xeriscaping for years, but somehow they saved enough money on their mission that they were able to afford. Add in some of the exterior/interior renovations they had to make because of the burst pipe, it just made sense.

It's imprinted on both sides, so as Mr. Frost is attributed: "Good fences make good neighbors."

Just so I wouldn't be left out, on Christmas morning, he sent around photos of how the house was decorated this year. They may be making up for last year's apartment-sized Christmas. (Hey, I don't even decorate THAT much, so their decorations can count for mine.)

Actually (as Nathan would say), the exterior decor, particularly the tiny tree by the door, is more for the lady, Doris, across the street. Because it came from her, so it has to be put to use.

 Every year there is loot under this tree, and every year Pop makes comments about how "we weren't going to do this" and "it's all for your mother." But then he's happy to have the loot. Every year. TRADITIONS! (But there was no, I hope it's not what's in the box insider family joke.)

Per Pop:
Mom reading the role of grandparents before seeing the goofy picture of ME. (Good gift, family!)

Dad's gifts. It seems that if you repair a zipper pull with glue you get two new fleeces to cover the mess you make. I am trying to get through the Book of Mormon again and got two large reading books to distract me again.*

Mom's gifts. One of which has to be exchanged for 24" size. Thanks to the little birdie for the suggestion.

End of event! "Beagle" for breakfast and then to get ready for lunch in Zion Park.

[You are welcome, Mom. I listen. Next time Dad, we'll find out the right sizing. But I have to be subtle in my information gathering.]

On "returns" Monday, there was a replacement for the "you know, one of these days, I'd like pearls" half-off-handed comment. 

With interest.

Apparently there was no "next size up" available. Oh shucks darn shoot.

The folks then took themselves to the Zion Lodge at Zion National Park for Christmas Day 2015. While I had to turn on my a/c, there was snow in them there hills.

From Pop:

Just outside the Zion Lodge

There were a lot of visitors from around the world, and lots of people who didn't know what snow was.

 With just enough white to make the red rocks stand out and red/white/blue for Mary.

They took pictures from the car of a the canyon and of a snowstorm coming in through Springdale.

Aside from some complaints about speed limits, needs for new connectors to by-pass around the valley closer to their house, and meal prices, I THINK Dad had a good time. Even though he said he needed a Christmas Day nap.

Who doesn't need a Christmas Day nap? I think it's part of the day.

Hope you enjoyed this Long Distance Christmas E-Card.

~most photos via Grumpa


*Hey, I just realized. I didn't get one single reading book for Christmas. Odd. That has to be rectified.

Happy Anniversary Mary and Max!

In honor of a very momentous year in the now, 48-year marriage of Mary and Max, I present their annual Christmas letter.

  ~ photos by me, by iTouch in August 2015, DC area

MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAPPY NEW YEAR

December 2015 finds us back in Utah after a very rich and fulfilling time in the Washington D.C. area as missionaries at the Washington, D.C. temple. Our service in the temple was very spiritual. The people we met there will be eternal friends whom we miss daily. The "hundred-things-to-see-and-do-in-the-D.C.-are" list that we received when we arrived was not completed, but we did explore some places we had not seen in our thirty plus years on the East Coast--the Baltimore Inner Harbor and Ft. McHenry; Gettysburg; Hershey, PA; Ocean City, MD; Assateague Island and the wild ponies *, to name a few. In July we got permission to go up to Palmyra, NY to see the Pageant and then to Niagara Falls, which was on my "Bucket List." I was not disappointed. [So, you can now assume that Mary is writing this.]

The temple closed August 8 for some major renovations, a month earlier than our original release date. So, we took our time coming home with detours to NC to visit relatives and a week at Topsail Island and to CT and the Cape for a week. ** (No, I cannot get the Cape sand out of my heart.) We then headed West via Interstate 90 with Moscow, Idaho as our goal to meet our newest grand daughter [Jaime]. We made it as far as Mt. Rushmore when we got a call that brought us home by September 13.

The call was to inform us that the water pipe bringing water from the street into our utility room had burst above the shut-off valve for the house. (That valve was closed). Our neighbor who walks his dog discovered water coming from under the garage door on the afternoon walk. He called our friend who had keys. She rushed over and called our son [Jed] who drove quickly from Mesquite [Nevada] and then called us as we sat enjoying Mt. Rushmore. We told him to call the insurance company and ServiceMaster was here in an hour. We got home to torn out carpet, twenty fan/heaters roaring, and major decisions to make. Three months later, new flooring throughout and a clean house. Now, to convince Max to go on another mission!

The grandchildren grew and thrived while we were gone. Drew is nearly 11; his twin brother and sister are three. The Moscow kids are nearly ten, eight, and six, and Jaime is one. We did get to see her at ten months when we left the mess here for ten days. FaceTime is a farmily-connecting tool we love.

So, what do we do now? We started our service at the St. George temple December 3 and submitted our paperwork to serve for another year at the Home Storage Center the first of January. We need to be busy with enough time to explore our beautiful area, work off the weight we gained from all the missionary parties, and help our neighbors. We are grateful for all our blessings, you being one of them for enriching our lives. May 2016 be good to you.

Love, Max and Mary

~photo by me, November 2015

* Hey, that's on MY bucket list. No fair
** And, hey, I visited for a few days in August to help clear out a lot of stuff. A LOT of the stuff. A CAR FULL OF STUFF. THANK YOU VERY MUCH. MANY PEOPLE ARE ENJOYING ALL THE STUFF.

How I'm Spending My Christmas Vacation

 Merry Christmas!

I hope you enjoyed all the time with family and presents under your tree.

I'm taking this holiday break off from travel, sleeping in, 

doing laundry on Christmas morning, chilling, 

taking a few days off from even working from home, 

and spending it binging on vintage movies, 

Doctor Who marathons, talking to people via technology,

working on back-logged UFO crafting projects,

enjoying a stigma free Christmas dinner of pizza and beer,

and FINALLY moving furniture and trunks that 

haven't been moved in 10 years to change out a tv for a new tv. 

A tv that's been sitting on my floor since it came back from DC in AUGUST.

(EWWWW. My carpet is gross. 

Good thing I'm putting the trunks back in the exact same spots to hide it.)

 Kids, when you open time capsules from the past, you find old technology.

This is a metronome and an answering machine.

I'm keeping one and recyling the other.

Can you guess?

Enjoy YOUR break. 

I'm also spring cleaning since it's humid enough to turn the air-conditioning on.

In New York

ON CHRISTMAS WEEKEND.

Spring cleaning. In capris.

In air conditioning.

In Late DECEMBER.

What is this? 

Seattle?

2015 Classic Christmas Movie Binge:

White Christmas with Bing Crosby, Danny Kaye, and Rosemary Clooney c. 1954
Thoughts:

• It's not Christmas until I watch this movie;
• I want Rosemary Clooney's dressmaker to come fit me;
• "What is Christmas with no snow?" As asked by Bing, Danny and Rosemary http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CH2KGboA35c&sns=tw … via YouTube;
• The mysteries of White Christmas: what happened to the General's kids that his granddaughter is living with him alone in VT w/a housekeeper?

The Bishop's Wife with Cary Grant and David Niven c. 1947
Thoughts:

• One of my favorite things about this movie on VHS is the inclusion of the non-trailer. They try so hard not to spoil it.;
• "Nobody expects him to be normal. He's a bishop." Truer words were never spoken.  (Pastors' kids' humor!);
• "X sent in $15." "We had them down for $10,000." Honestly, this movie is REALLY a tale of frustrated fundraisers during a stymied capital campaign.;
• "Tell me about you." Classic relationship building technique. Though usually the solicitors are the ones crying in frustration.;
• "some horrid little brass plaque" Ha, this whole scene about naming rights, a wealthy donor, & a v. patient fundraiser ... strike a little too close to home;
• "Did you have a profitable afternoon?" "Not particularly. Did you?" Fundraisers' conversations everywhere, verbatim;
• Seriously. If Cary Grant was a solicitor for my capital campaign or other fundraising efforts, we would hit all our goals; 

Desk Set with Spencer Tracy and Katherine Hepburn c. 1957
Thoughts:

• "I have been forced to work in an atmosphere of hatred & suspicion." Ha! An angry rant of many public servants & frontline workers.; 
• The epic drunkenness and shenanigans of the company Christmas party is ... hic... Epic. Hic. Bon Voyage!  Wheee!!!;
• I love how this is basically about trained reference librarians vs IT engineers. Librarians for information literacy & authoritative sources for the win.;
• I have apartment envy for Ms. Watson's Upper East Side apartment just off 75th/Lex, esp. the built-ins for her books & her oven.;
• "Not Ms. Watson? "Well she runs it, but he's the boss." - library admin stereotypes that are hopefully changing; 
• "Maybe we're getting that air-conditioning finally." "Figures, it's November." - the librarian facility struggles endure;
• How many librarians (current, lapsed, future) watch this movie & get unrealistic impressions about office space, salaries for housing/clothes?;

Christmas in Connecticut with Barbara Stanwyck c. 1945
Thoughts:

• The "I'm tired" rant at the end of this is the best, esp Barbara Stanwyck's summation gestures. "In short... I'm tired!";
• "I am not in a flipping mood this morning." You tell them Elizabeth. You tell your boss to "flip" off.;
• Felix is probably my fav chef, with The Swedish Chef coming in a close second. Was Felix was the inspiration? Maybe;
• "Some people say yes. Some people say no." "What do you say?" "I am inclined to agree with them." I LOVE this conversational detour.; and
• MY Christmases in Connecticut certainly NEVER looked like this;

An Affair to Remember with Cary Grant and Deborah Kerr, c. 1957
Thoughts:

• What I really love the best about this movie, is that you don't even need to hear the dialogue, the non-verbal action is on point;
• "How do you get to Tomorrowland? (Tomorrowland). Close your eyes. Make a wish. And, you're there.";
• Oh no, Terry. Don't forget to look both ways before running across traffic. Something viewers shout every time we watch;
• "Everybody's doing it." "How nice for you. In your case, we'll make an exception." Quips. So many quips;
• Deborah Kerr's face when she flicks the champagne at the ladies at the bar is everything. I love the little gestures;
• and Cary Grant is just swooooony. So Swoooony;

Indiscreet with Cary Grant and Ingrid Bergman, c. 1957
Thoughts:

• I have serious apartment envy;
• "I'm too old for this sort of evening. I always was."~ Alfred, the stick-in-the-mud brother-in-law;
• "Shall I see you to your elevator?" Past the doorman, lobbymen, the elevator operator, & live-ins = no privacy; 

Auntie Mame with Rosalind Russell, c. 1958

Thoughts:

• What is with these fake New York apartments, they set up such unrealistic expectations;
• "Nothing can ever really separate us." Mame to her nephew, Patrick. Yep. That's how we all feel;
• "I lived. I gotta find out what to do now!"  ~ Agnes Gooch;
• "idiotic, cockeyed nincompoopery" has to be brought back into conversation as an insult; and
• "Yes! Live! Life's a banquet..."