Quote of the Day: Introvert by Rupi Kaur

Work lately ....

Let's just say, I may not have been handling it all very well.

Thank you Twitter, from whence I found this ..

Quote of the Day: I am an Introvert!

At the end of a very long, socially-involved day... #introverting #introvertlife #justaddabook pic.twitter.com/TXrddcAahb

— Introvert Tweets (@introvert_diary) May 28, 2015

Sometimes when I’ve been around people for too long I wish I could just yell “I AM INTROVERT” and throw down a smoke bomb and disappear.

— Ashley Clements (@TheAshleyClem) May 30, 2015

It doesn't help when Mercury has been in retrograde FOREVER this year. Where is my blankie? I want to curl up under it and just hide.

Reading on the Rails: #IReadEverywhere

Source

 "This summer, The New York Public Library is celebrating the excitement and personal joy of reading with the hashtag #ireadeverywhere. Beginning on Aug. 5, we are asking all of you to join authors, librarians and other readers from all over the world to share your favorite — and unusual — reading spots, along with the hashtag and our handle @nypl, all in an effort to inspire others to pick up a book (or an e-reader) and start their own adventures."

 ~ Per the New York Public Library

I'm so happy (and relieved) to be riding the rails again. I now have almost 2 hours a day when I have NO EXCUSES but to pick up a book and read. I mean, I could read anywhere, anytime, anyplace, and everywhere -- so ... I try to. But, when reading on the train platform, it's important to WATCH THE GAP!

  via iTouch, despite the top left picture, I wasn't reading trash, thank you very much!

Book featured: Introvert Power: Why You Inner Life is Your Hidden Strength by Laurie Helgoe, Ph.D.

A Map of the Introvert's Heart

Source

Artist Gemma Correll has quite accurately illustrated what truly occurs within the heart of an introvert in her illustration, “A Map of the Introvert’s Heart", which is available as an 8×9 poster through Society 6. 


It's not too soon to start dropping hints for holiday presents, is it?

This can be purchased here!

Source

Quote of the Day: Unexpected Memories Lingered Beneath Words

As I work my way back to semi-regular blogging, I'm going to share some of the quotes from books I've been reading ... some of the random things that have perked my interest, and persuaded me to keep using this forum to share things, family history, etc.

"Over the years, Aunt Ailis had tried to lure Finnegan into the world of computers, the lines of software code that she studied as if they would give her a key to the inner workings of the human brain, if not heart. Finnegan understood the satisfaction she derived from the act of coding, her ability to aim for and achieve something she already she knew she wanted -- but for Finnegan, his interest in people's stories was always the unexpected memories that lingered beneath the words, waiting to come out. As far as Finnegan could understand, the purpose of coding was to create a form of stable perfection, a series of commands that could reproduce every time exactly what was intended. The opposite of humans, who were interesting to Finnegan precisely because of the way their narrative changed, hid other meanings, shifted with time and perspective.

 So he reached out and took the stories in, knowing that they had nowhere else to go, unable to refuse safe haven to memories that otherwise would disappear unnoticed. And yet, at times, he was overwhelmed by the weight of other people's lives, the stack of notebooks that surrounded his bed.

"You could publish them," Aunt Ailis suggested. But Finnegan knew, somehow, that wasn't the answer. What he had experienced in the transfer of these stories was as intimate as touch, a table for two in a crowded restaurant. Still, he didn't know what to do with them, didn't know who he was without them.

...

And so he sat in his room, surrounded. ... He sat on his bed and picked up one notebook after another, reading."

~ From Erica Bauermeister's The Lost Art of Mixing, pages 231-232

Emphasis throughout my own.

Pardon the Blog Hiatus

The next day?

I'm exhausted from the last 2.5 months.

I knew the summer would be long and hard. It was definitely something I KNEW would happen.

But man...

I don't have the stamina I did when I was in my early 20s.

This summer was LONG ... and EXHAUSTING.

I don't want to make any promises, but ...

but ...

I think ...

I'm beginning to emerge from the "Festival Fugue" that sucked me down, in, and under ... when, from early June to August, you are working so many hours/days in a row, that you can barely remember to eat, go to the bathroom, and pay bills on time, forget blogging.

There were many days -- in a row -- when I didn't know what day of the week it was ... It was just the "Saturday schedule." There were four or five "Saturdays" in a row, due to weirdnesses with weather, generators, holidays, and weekend.

There were late Festival weeks when I was just on autopilot: [get up, shower, get dressed (in a dress), find the rental car, go to work, work, rinse, repeat], that I forgot that I had scheduled myself NOT to be there. I was so worried about all the other people on the schedule, I TOTALLY BLANKED ON MY OWN DAYS OFF!

I mean...

COME ON!

Others are on vacation now. I'm back on a train-commuters' schedule. I'm reading more. I'm sleeping/napping. It's quieter. I'm catching up. ... I think .... I'm slowly emerging from "the Fugue."

Maybe I will find more time now, to blog, and to retroblog -- once this introvert has finally regrouped from having to act like an extrovert for more weeks than her reserves could handle. (Adding to the Fugue-state/zombie-hood.).

I still need about 2 more weeks BY MYSELF to finally feel like myself. Since THAT won't happen, it's self-imposed exile when and where I can.

And, I need to retroblog.

A lot of family stuff happened this summer.
A lot.
Some pictures were taken this summer.
Cute mail came in this summer.
More plans were made for next  summer.
I have more Wishes and Dreams that I need to articulate, as some from last year are actually coming true.

But for now...

Hi!

I'm sunny, but I'm still drooping.

Kinda like this

Please pardon this introvert's interruption ...

 Also

via the Twitters

More later.

Time for Transitions: Open Letters for my former colleagues

Breaking Important Big Darn News.

Tomorrow is my last day at the Big J aka The Juilliard School.

My.

Last.

Day.

This is long in the offing. Again, I'm not done processing it yet, and as I've been saying all week, this is NOT goodbye--because I will see many of these colleagues and friends later. Also, the many, many reasons that have brought to me to this point have to be processed and may be shared, sometime, long after there's a nice separation built up.

It wasn't an easy decision, and then it was--and then it wasn't--and then it was. As most life-changing things often are.

The following is a slightly edited version of a letter I sent to my colleagues last week.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear All:

You may have seen the e-mail sent out last week by my VP, announcing some staff changes in Development, including my departure as of Friday, January 31st. I wanted to follow-up with my own personal note.

February 2014 would mark the end of my seventh year at Juilliard. While seven has always been my lucky number, I decided to try my luck at another venture this coming year.

I have been so fortunate to have been at the School through some  interesting transitions. From rocking through the renovation and expansion (sometimes literally, while sitting at my desk), or wearing hard hats while in heels, to digging in and doubling up on duties through the economic downturn, it has been my honor to serve in three positions and work with three VPs, as well as a host of hardworking colleagues, eager interns, and talented work-studies. It has also been thrilling to attend a host of spectacular performances across all the boards of dance, drama, vocal arts, and classical music. It has truly been a remarkably rich and rewarding experience. I will treasure the collegiality and friendships that I've found at the "Big J."

I continue to wish all of my colleagues in Development & Public Affairs the very best as they endeavor to raise funds to continue the important mission of the School. I also wish them and I.T. a continued successful roll-out of the new ticketing system and ongoing efforts to integrate the various database systems.

There is no place like New York, New York, (it's a helluva town), but boy... will I be glad not to be commuting in here every day – especially after being stuck at Grand Central Terminal for three long, crowded hours last night. (That was NOT FUN!)*

I'll be traveling for a bit in February, but also starting a renewed reverse commute to some familiar gardens and grounds -- at Caramoor,** "upstate," in Westchester County, where I will be rejoining their development team in a director capacity.

I hope to see many of you in the "country" this summer for some wonderfully diverse musical and artistic offerings. Please feel free stay in touch via my personal email.

Thank you all, for everything. I cannot say THANK YOU enough.

Sincerely,

P.S. I know it is the tradition to have a farewell party when someone departs, but I have expressed my personal preference not to have one. I will make my rounds for more personal good-byes all of next week.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

There were a variety of reactions to this announcement and email (which saw many drafts and much thought). I wish I had compiled them. (I may yet, as they are somewhere in the work email archive.)

I almost got out the door this week without a hoo-rah, as I call them. But no. Even with a cancelled train this morning, and then a late train on top of it, there was a lovely little departmental (plus guests) cupcakes/bagels gathering. Thank goodness I realized I would have to give a speech. I got up around up at 2 a.m. to write down some thoughts. (Introverts need time to prepare and rehearse and "gird their loins.") In true introvert fashion, I also had to be dragged back to my own party. (But I was really dealing with email archiving with I.T., and it gave me an excuse to step out and regroup. I AM NOT CRYING ABOUT THIS. THIS IS A GOOD THING!)

As rocky as the last bit has been, and as varied as some of the interpersonal relationships have been, I do think this seven year period was mostly beneficial for me, just from the exposure, experiences, and connections forged.

THANK YOU, even in emails and blog posts, can't really say it enough.

Even though, as you'll see, I tried

Dear ALL:

Thanks again, everyone, for the lovely send-off carbily-fantastic breakfast gathering. The Baked by Melissa cupcakes are a nice homage to the many Melissas formerly on staff, as well as the many delectable treats that were made, shared, and ingested in my time here. The bagels were a perfect NYC treat that I will miss in the “country.” (There are nothing quite like the bagels in the City!) On Monday, my stomach will start growling at the appointed hour for Tori’s Treats. Who’s going to send me a care package?

I can’t wait to read all your messages of support and set up my Juilliard swag at my new rustic desk. Every day it will remind me of the best of the Big J moments. I can’t wait to have time on the train to crochet up the yarn that I will get at Knitty City. I just have to remember to put my Big J lunch bag in my Big J yarn bag and not leave it on the train.

Like I said, it was the connections forged here that really made hard for me to decide to take this step --  connections that I know won’t be broken even if I am up in the "country" and you're all down here. I’m not kidding about those Summer  Fridays off. I do I expect to see at least some of you opera music lovers at Caramoor's summer festival and I WILL be sending you brochures.

This isn’t goodbye, but THANK YOU. I will see, talk, text, and email you all soon.

Thanks gang....

And that means you too, readers and family. You've been part of this long long long processing process.

* That's a whole other blog post. 
** Yup. Does all the foreshadowing make sense now?

Quote of the Day:

via the Twitters

How Many Days until the Weekend?

via the Twitters

Society of the Bartleby: I prefer ...

via the Twitters

I would like to start society making this a real thing, 

and be able to redeem of these tickets PER DAY!

Maybe a: Society of the Bartleby *

Our motto? I would prefer not to.

There's already swag.

*Bartleby, The Scrivener: Herman Melville

Quote of the Day

 

 via the Twitters

Surviving as an Introvert in New York City

Recently I had the wonderful occasion to watch a bright, inquisitive, brave little 8 year-old as part of her first visit to NY.

I say brave because the City is hard on introverts -- which, it turns out, we both are -- as is meeting new people. I don’t know who was more nervous about this visit, the 8 year-old or the forty-something. (Probably me, I had longer to think about it.) I’ve gotten better about meeting new people, but man … this City – can really just take it out of you if you have to deal with it on a daily basis. Given that, most of our “activities” in the City actually involved just hanging out at my office for a few hours for some “downtime.” Honestly, it was for both of our benefits.

My little friend has the advantage of the adults around her already knowing about and reading the book by Susan Cain about introverts. I wish that this had been around when I was her age. It would have helped “my” adults and me so much over the years. Instead, I had to find my own ways to navigate the various situations I found myself in, and learn how to deal with the people in my life. It has made me think about some of my various family members, about three generation’s worth, and be better able to understand some of their personality traits a little better. It definitely will affect how I interact with some of my nieces and nephews – my little friend’s contemporaries.

I was thinking about how to explain to her how I cope in the City – if it came up. It’s hard to articulate. It’s even hard to explain to my friends and family why sometimes, I just have to hole up in my Attic, lock the door, and not talk to, or emerge from my space for a day, or days, at a time. (It’s even harder to explain to your employers about your need to work in semi-isolation, to be undisturbed, or to try and have at least 1 or 2 days a week when you would just love to not have a freaking meeting already … Or why you end up doing more work from 5-8 p.m. when the office is “closed” and everyone is gone. It’s a good thing our sick days don’t require doctor’s notes. Mental health days are not made-up. They are real necessities for some of us.)

Commuting into, and/or living in, Manhattan is both a blessing and a curse. On the one hand, you can be camouflaged and absorbed into anonymity. You can go to movies by yourself, eat at a bar or counter by yourself, and take advantage of the many offerings the City has to the extent you desire – by yourself. On the other hand, from the sheer volume of noise generated by automatic announcements on the mass transit system, to the incursion into personal space in the commute, to the forced social interactions in the workplace, not to mention the sensory overload of, well -- everything -- it gets to be … a bit draining.

So I’ve learned how to deal over the years and have built up a tolerance – to a degree. I’m more aware of my triggers and am getting better about articulating what I need from, and at, work, and have learned coping mechanisms, including mediation and visualization techniques. Like visualizing my own personal shield bubble.

Imagine it’s like this. Imagine you are at the center of an all-encompassing bubble. Depending on the situation, the bubble is either extended or constricted around you. Even if you are crowded on the subway, with people up in your space, YOU know the shield bubble wall is there between you and the person in your space. It is keeping you safe. The people “bounce” off it – the bumps and jostling doesn’t actually touch YOU. (Even if you do get accidentally punched in the chest.) Everything is not quite “there” as much. The noise and the glare and the people can’t hurt you – as much. [In the physical world, manifestations of your shield could include your ear buds, sunglasses, and large messenger bags. Sometimes you have to wear the ear buds and sunglasses in your office too. But then you add Do Not Disturb signs.]

It may be an illusion, but the illusion is needed to function. We introverts all do what we need to do to function in this world.

But the reality is … that each interaction starts to erode our ability to function. Our coping mechanisms get weaker when we are out and about too much. We need quiet time, in our own environments. Imagine the shield is powered down and recharging – like your phone needs to. Sometimes that recharging means shutting the rest of the world out, closing a door, turning off a phone, shutting out distractions, and just being by yourself. Sometimes that recharging means going to another “happy place” with a change of scenery, etc. (like me and a beach.) There’s nothing “wrong” with us – it’s just how we operate. The recharge could only be an hour or two, overnight, or a weekend, or even longer. It is going to depend on how you operate and/or how eroded your coping mechanisms might be.

New York City is probably one of the most extroverted places on earth, aside from a theme park … and it would seem to be counter-intuitive that introverts are able to manage here. But, we can and we are. In our own ways.

It can be hard to be a daughter of an extrovert, but sometimes mothers know what their daughters will need to learn. My mother also first introduced me to New York sometime after I was 8. She, too, pushed me to explore new places, introduced me to new people, and gave me the tools to start building up my coping mechanisms for the world.

But it’s still hard. And I’m still learning. From lots of people and by trial and error.

I’m just glad, in this case, I could be a slightly less extroverted Auntie Mame for my little friend.

Hopefully I didn’t scare or scar her too much.

Now, if you will excuse me, all this self-presentation is making me need to go off-line and reboot my protection shields.

Powering

down...

Over and out.

Instructions from the Introvert

I used to think I was just shy and awkward. Now I know I'm shy, awkward, but really an introvert and that's okay. I'm not "wrong," or antisocial, or stupid, or b**tchy, so please don't try to fix me.

Here's some operating instructions.

via the Twitters

I totally want to put the top graph up at work and share it with some managers who need to recognize that more than half their staff are struggling because of the office design and "leadership"/"communication" differences.

Summer Fridays 2012: Afternoon in the Garden III

June, July and August have flown by, whipping through my allotment of Summer Fridays off from work. I decided that I should escape the Attic and the lists of projects and UFOs (unfinished objects) calling my name.

I filled my Sherpa bag with the camera, two books, a pillow, a huge thing of frozen water, a Toy Society donation, and a large floppy hat and headed off to the New York Botanical Garden.

I should have explored more. I know the roses are in bloom, the Monet Exhibition is changing for the season, plus there are his paintings in the Library, not to mention the Bronx River and my waterfall, but I headed back to my bench -- for the shade, nostalgia, and proximity to shops and restrooms. I lucked out too, the gardeners had two of those large fan sprinklers going on the hedges. When the wind was just right, I got a refreshing misting.

Afternoon rediscoveries: If you are still and really into your first book of the day, the sparrows will play in the puddles at your feet - drinking, dipping, and splashing in avian delight. If you move, you disturb them, so you learn. You learn to rest your camera on your chest and freeze until the other wildlife feels comfortable enough to come out and play. (Hello Mr. Chips.)

Solitude is a catalyst for innovation. ~ Susan Cain

Reading through Susan Cain's Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking, you also discover answers and a fellowship of other introverts. You decide that you MUST copy pages and pages of this novel to present to supervisors and human resource representatives to explain your difficulties and dilemmas in your current working set-up. It's a relief to see written down the whys and hows, and oh, yes - that's me ... that's always been me and thank goodness someone else gets it, and discover that not only have you already learned how to cope/function with scenarios over the years, but why some other situations have been so much more difficult lately.

Seriously, even though I glossed over some of the more technical scientific/psychological stuff, I devoured this whole book in an afternoon -- in the quiet seclusion that I need and crave after a week commuting to New York and dealing with all my work stress. Check out the author's website about the book at: http://www.thepowerofintroverts.com/about-the-book/
[Yo - this means you DAD, J and Ms. Jenn!]

After finishing this book, the afternoon public hours at the Garden were drawing to a close, so I packed up and decided to meander back to the train. I inadvertently almost crashed a wedding. Nice venue - and later - whoops there's the bridal party. Let's get out of the way before the wedding photographer gets annoyed.

I also left a Toy Society token behind for someone to take home with them. Maybe a wedding guest found it? Or one of the bunnies grazing around the various beds and walls thought it was a special friend?

Hints of fall already are creeping in, (and I don't mean the Christmas Creep which is a whole other thing that is super annoying about the "end of summer"), with the beginnings of leaves falling, blooms moving into the yellows, browns, and golds of fall, and summer twilight casting a rosy glow.

Bye bye "official" Summer Fridays. I shall miss you, so much!

Unofficially, I will be "sick" a lot of Fridays/Mondays in September/October, just to tide me through 'til Thanksgiving. (Or something. I'm pretty sure my supervisor(s) and HR don't read this. I hope so anyway.)