Past Pun Pondering: January 7, 2015

A year later and I still can't figure out a few things from this display 

in a suburban Maryland discount shop: 

WHY doesn't this typewriter have paper in it?

 Random messages from shoppers could be marketing gold. 

Just image the riff on this trio:

Big Fish turns to Buddha and asks: What do you  think of Squirrel over there?

Buddha: He's a tough nut to crack.

Big Fish: Buddha, your jokes flounder.

Why wouldn't you bronze up a big fish, a Buddha, and a squirrel?

~ photos by iTouch

The Wild (Mid)west Adventures of the Shushing Librarian - Part 3

The next morning, after a very yummy country breakfast and having been given a large goodie bag of homemade deer summer sausage, jerky, and salsa, B and C followed brother Jesse back to Omaha to reconnect with C’s mom. The plan was to quickly unpack and then repack the Harley for an overnight stay with family in Big Lake, Missouri. C’s cousin, Lisa, along with her husband Tom and their three boys, recently rebuilt their cabin, after a major flood two years. In addition to seeing the new cabin, C and B couldn’t wait to see the family’s newly purchased pontoon boat.

Here’s the cabin. It’s the hangout for C’s family during the hot summers. Many bonfires have taken place here.
Upon our arrival at the cabin, B and C were greeted by aunts, uncles, numerous cousins, and most importantly, Zoe the German Shepard. Everyone was so happy to see C and B arrive safe and sound (and didn’t mind that they were a tad bit sweaty).

Before B and C could even catch their breath, C was whisked away by her mom and “redressed” for a surprise vow renewal ceremony in honor of B and C’s upcoming ninth wedding anniversary. I snuck away for a few minutes to help with the decorations.Sorry, neighbors. This is a private event. (This sign is super serious!)C’s mom planned the special occasion, with the help of C’s aunt and uncle (who brought the champagne) and C’s cousin-in-law, Steve, who did a lovely job of presiding over the ceremony. The beautiful, late summer afternoon ceremony took place down on the dock, next to the shiny new pontoon boat. The set-up was actually a bit similar to C & B’s actual wedding, which took place on the Long Island shore. (Sadly, I was not in attendance back then, as this pre-dates when Auntie Nettie and I met the delightful Ms. C!)

Here’s the lovely re-bride and re-groom! (They did ... again!)After the ceremony, the champagne flowed and many toasts were given to B and C. It was a joyous celebration!I, for one, had a lot fun (Maybe a bit too much fun. What’s new about that!?).***C’s family loved me and took me everywhere! They let me drive the boat. (Not really, they've heard about my driving record. Who finked?)They taught me how to dance on the stumps (a "special" family tradition).Since I was a non-family guest, I had this weird thing, were I felt I had to earn my keep at the party. (Too much of Auntie Nettie’s influence, I suppose.) I made myself useful.

I crushed the used cans. (It’s important to recycle).
I chilled the wine and made sure everyone had cold refreshments. As an anniversary present, Lisa and Tom arranged for B and C to stay at their own, private cabin along the lake.Mega Million Lotto tickets were purchased in hopes of hitting the big jackpot. B and C actually won – a whole $7! (Hey, you can't win if you don't play!)It was very comfortable there. I had to take a brief nap.A journal was available for the guests to jot down a few lines about their stay at the cabin. Of course, C wrote an entry expressing our happiness with the cabin.Later on that evening, everyone piled into the pontoon boat for a sunset cruise. Earlier in the day, C’s family noticed some odd behavior out in the lake and found out that Asian flying carp have invaded the quiet waters of Big Lake. Stories of fish nearly landing in the boat and hitting people in the head were described – scary! Still, we couldn’t resist seeing the beautiful sunset over the lake.We managed to go unharmed thanks to C’s brother, Jesse. With his bare hands, he managed to block a two-foot-long fish from trying jumping on board. (My hero!*swoon*)

C’s cousin, Matt, was also using his own scare tactics [patent pending] to keep the fish at bay. Since nothing could top that, we all retired for the evening. I asked if I could stay with the relatives, so C and B could have some "relative" peace and quiet!


That may have been a mistake. There was no where inside for me to sleep.


Stay tuned for the next installment of my Wild (Mid)West Adventures, to see where they put me up for the night!

*** Please see our early disclaimer.

Fried Adventures of the Shushing Librarian

S.L. here to give my report on Auntie Nettie's birthday feast. As part of my culinary explorations of the City, Auntie agreed to let me tag along with her and Jane from Flax Hill Gardener when they went to visit A Salt and Battery, a chip shop in the Chelsea section of Manhattan in celebration of Auntie's b-day.

We all took an oath that the weekend did not count as part of calorie counting and that the Food Police could take a long walk off the shortest part of the Chelsea Piers. Trans fats? What trans fats? Salt? Yes please. Fried foods? Load us up! This poster was a perfect symbol of the day. We all had our fingers in our ears to avoid the mocking of our own consciences. This humble facade is misleading. Auntie said she almost passed out in bliss when she walked in and smelled in all the fried wonderfulness.So many choices. Luckily, we already knew what we wanted. Small chips for everyone. Small haddock and a Diet Coke for Auntie and small pollock and a Tango for Jane.

The shop is tiny. Don't go expecting tables or seating. There's about 10 spots to perch in the window and along the side. There's a bench outside. Don't try and change the atmosphere by suggesting tables and more seating (like some blowhard did while Jane and we were eating). Embrace the place for what it is. Like this view out the front window.And while you're embracing the authenticity, don't use salt or that red stuff on your chips. Use Malt Vinegar.

Here I am, trying to score some Tango and pollock from Jane. She wasn't sharing, so I had to help Auntie with her chips. Auntie said she wasn't overly impressed by the chips and next time would skip them and just get a double portion of haddock and TUBS of the house made tartar sauce. It apparently is so much better than the American-ized relish with that pickle garbage in it, and more like dill with Crème fraiche! (Wait, she's telling me that maybe she'll try the curry sauce next time!)

To be honest, Auntie was really there for the Deep Fried Mars Bar. Apparently she's been lusting after one for about 10 years, or whenever she first saw it featured on the Food Network or the Travel Channel.

Hot from the fryer, oozing chocolate, caramel, and nougat, this Mars Bar was out of this world. (Yes, yes I did make that pun.)

A.N. Quote: "This is the best bad thing I've ever eaten!"

At least, I think that's what she said. There was some mumbling through all that gooey molten goodness. And that's saying a lot, because believe you me, that Auntie girl loves her her junk food, AND she did years of service at a fast food restaurant.

Stick a fork in me. That last bit of Fried Mars Bar just did me in. Sugar Coma!

I'm still salivating about this culinary adventure. We topped the day off by wandering up to the Chelsea Market where our eyes, ears, and other senses feasted away. ...

I can't wait to see where my culinary and other explorations take me next.

For now, I'm The Shushing Librarian ... shhhhhing off.

Retroblog July 14, 1983

Today is July 14th, 1983 Time 5:56

Today I went to Ashford for the first time in 2 weeks. It's good to be back. The doctor said I had a virearse and my cough is going away. It better be gone Tuesday because we have an activity and Mom said I cann't go onless its gone. We have 3 new goldfish.

Ashford was the name of my church congregation. Apparently being sick at home for two weeks makes you happy to go back to church. I can't remember if I was the accompanist for the congregational portion of services, but I probably was the pianist for the youth portion. By that time, the congregation was probably glad I was back too.

This is an important entry, because it notes the appearance of pets for the first time in our family history. Mom had wicked bad allergies to everything with hair, fur, dust, dander, or slobber (which meant she was really allergic to us kids too), so we never had pets. Fish, the parental units thought, would be fairly low maintenance and a good compromise. Sadly, this tail has a sad end, without even a flush to end it.

The three goldfish were named after me and my two brothers. They were kept in a very simple glass bowl on the dormant wood stove in the living room. All was well, we thought, in Fish Land. A day passed. The fish swam. We children delighted in pets. Food was given. Day three dawned with a mystery. The fish named after my youngest brother was missing. Two fish were left. A search went out around the stove and the hearth to see if the fish had jumped to its death. Not a scale was found. Tears were shed. The two fish swam. Children adjusted to two pets. Food was given. Day four dawned with another mystery. The fish named after me was missing too. This was very perplexing. Another search was initiated, but eventually called off by Dad who figured that the fish had to have been victims ... of goldfish fratricide. The only fish remaining was the one named after my middle brother, and given the lack of evidence, Dad deduced that that fish cannibalized its bowl mates. Eventually, that fish got its just rewards and was found belly up. I don't remember a ritual disposal, but thus ended the family keeping fish as pets.

After such a catastrophic experience with the fish, you would have thought we would have learned our lesson with pets. However, there was the brief, and I do mean brief, experiment with rabbits being kept in the garage. Turns out that getting two male bunnies is not such a good idea, as they beat the heck out of each other. The definition of "fur flying" comes to mind when I remember what the garage looked like. A replacement female bunny for one of the males also didn't turn out well, and they were given away to good homes. Their replacement family ended up showing them at the local agricultural fairs, so it wasn't so harebrained an idea after all.

Mom's allergies also turned out to be genetic. The whole hair, dust, dandruff allergy was passed down in various degrees of severity to me and my youngest brother, who goes into almost anaphylactic fits around our nephew-cat Tippi. I have a time limit to how much I can be exposed to Tippi or other furry creatures, including the collection of hair balls and dust bunnies I consider my pets.

A Fish Out of Water

Dear Friends,

I know it’s been awhile since I took my adventure “across the Pond” to England, but I’ve been a busy fish and am just now getting around to regaling you with tales of my journey (or is that tails? giggle.)


I began my English journey in the city of Brighton. This city is best known for its rocky shores and its Pier. And the movie Quadrophenia, if you’re a Who fan. Here I am on the beach. You can see the pier in the background.

It was here on the Pier while posing for the photo below that I was almost snatched away by a hungry seagull. Once he had figured out that I was not a real fish at all, I would have been dropped into the English Channel and floated off to France. Thank goodness I was not!

I spent a lot of time visiting the “big houses” of the Kent countryside. My first journey was to Sissinghurst, home of the writer Vita Sackville-West. This is a beautiful castle, of which only the main tower survives. It has taken many different forms over the hundreds of years that it has been standing and there is quite a good summary here.

It was here that I saw THE original Hogarth Press, the printing press that Virginia and Leonard Woolf had used to print some of their early books at Hogarth House in London. Virginia had given it to Vita as a present in 1930. This has special meaning to my travel companions because they are Hogarths and one of them has a self-publishing company called Hogarth House.

Anyway, we next went to Leeds Castle, which is situated on two islands on the River Len. There has been a castle there for 1000 years! It was refurbished by an American heiress, Lady Baille, and used by her family until 2003. You can find a short history here.

After a little mix-up in travel plans, we moved on to Tunbridge Wells, a delightful suburb about an hour outside of London. It is very populated with retired, wealthy lawyers. Each day, we began our journey with a quick trip to town. On the way, we would pick blackberries from the hedgerows along the side of the road. Delicious! (Even fish like blackberries, you know!)

We visited more manor houses while we were here. We started with Chartwell, home of Winston Churchill. It was quite a rainy day when we were there, and the power went out in the main house, but we were able to see the lovely gardens. They have a great vegetable garden and a fish pond. Plus, Mr. Churchill put a swimming pool in, and it looks just like a natural pond. I seriously considered go for a swim.

As you can imagine, there was a lot of driving on this trip. Luckily, we had a very experienced driver, who navigated the roads very well.
We finished up our trip at two houses, Knole and Ightham Mote. Knole was given to Henry VIII by the Archibishop of Canterbury in 1538. It was also the birthplace of Vita Sackville-West, who you know from Sissinghurst. (Everyone is inter-related around here.) It has a 1,000 acre deer park on property, and the deer wander freely through the carpark. I was a bit worried that I might be picked up by one of those “friendly” deer, but luckily my traveling companions kept me safe. Here I am goofing off with a lady of the house.

And, then it was off to Ightham Mote (which is pronounced Ig-am). It wasn’t really a castle, but a very old house dating back to the 1300s. It had lots of OLD parts, like a Tudor chapel, and lots of newer things from the 1950s when it was updated by an American, Mr. Charles Robinson. These Americans really like their English houses, don’t they?

So, that’s my trip to the lovely land of England. (Oh, and how could I forget my cuppa and fish and chips [just kidding!] sandwich?)

I hope you enjoyed my travel tales.

Mr. Fishy

With thanks to Jane for her help with the transcription of Mr. Fishy's tails.
To see where else she travelled in England, go here.

Fish out of Water -- the Response

From Jane:


I would be happy to take Mr. Fishy Friend to England with me. I hope he won't feel like a fish out of water. We'll be going to watery places in England---Brighton and Keswick---and then our hotel in London is right near the Tower, also close to the Thames.



Auntie Nettie is totally jealous of a stuffed fish!

Fish out of Water

Dear Diggity's Mom,

I would like to respectfully request that you please take my Fishy Friend here on your trip across the pond. Take lots of pictures.

Please let me know if I need to get his papers in order.

Cheerio,
Auntie Nettie


With props to Kendra for the pattern.