43 Ideas for Birthday 43: Tarot II

Another redux Wish, as is appropriate for Groundhog Day. (Or another turn on the Great Wheel).

Here's my original post, so you can see all my babbling:
http://auntienettiesattic.blogspot.com/2013/05/dreaming-out-loud-holding-out-my-hand.html

Here's an excerpt:

Photo via here

I have a dream to pop into a palmist or a tarot reader's establishment, with enough cash to pay so it can be anonymous, without notice, and see the kind of reading I might get from someone who does not know me, or have a way to do prior research via the Internets. 

Photo via here

While I believe that we make our own destiny, and I know that nature, nurture, our ancestors, and our own free will help us forge our paths, a little guidance can't hurt. I am probably a little more open-minded than some, having read a lot of fantasy and science fiction, and studied other cultures and religions, so I know that many consider that there may not be "one true way." I may not believe in reincarnation for myself, but I know that the spirit world is closer than we think. That's why I will NOT, however, play with a Ouija board, or invoke anything negative to enter my space via a seance, or even go to a medium.

A little palm reading though? Or a little "card-flipping"? Those can be open to interpretation, and if you are careful not to reveal too much in advance, or via face/body language ... could be fun.

There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio,
Than are dreamt of in your philosophy.

~ Hamlet, William Shakespeare

Just for kicks, here's my very long horoscope for the year from Glamour, of all places.

Take with a HUGE grain of salt. I do. 

Like a Lake full of Salt.

 Link: http://youtu.be/J-z7zKHmmWc

43 Ideas for Birthday 43: Cameras

I've actually posted this already, so I'm going to extract and reblog from July 2013. Models may now vary, but the idea is there.

I would like to upgrade my camera. Like seriously upgrade my point and shoot to a lightweight DSLR upgrade.

Or even move up the tech curve to something like this?

Panasonic's new Lumix is a serious camera with an automatic selfie mode http://t.co/r5wGSSsrtH pic.twitter.com/Hnwa9stEmk
— WIRED (@WIRED) January 21, 2015

Here's the original post, so you can see all my babbling: 
http://auntienettiesattic.blogspot.com/2013/07/dreaming-out-loud-photographer.html

Here's an excerpt:

I have other funding priorities, like:
- paying the rent,
- paying the bills,
- paying off my graduate school student loans and other debts,
- affording trips to see the family and/or far-flung friends, and
- living in one of the most expensive areas in the country ...

And ... "write" now, this is just a hobby for me. I'm not the type of blogger who has sponsors sending her all over the country, or a semi/full-time photographer who takes pictures that are licensed for use elsewhere or used to make prints, cards, etc. that are sold through her etsy.com store, or as a (fill in the blank)

So...

I can't see spending the equivalent of upwards of 1 to 3 months worth of rent money on a piece of equipment for a HOBBY, even if it was an investment to move that hobby into a money-making venture. I am serious: 1-3 months of a NYC-adjacent studio apartment (studio even) rent, for a new DSLR BODY. If you add on lenses and flash packs and batteries and other accessories ... It adds up. Even checking out the used sections of camera stores like B&H Photo and Video in NYC (where all the following photos come from, except where noted), finds that used cameras cost almost a month's rent.

Thus, I'm Dreaming Out Loud.

I would love a DSLR - but they are so large, heavy, expensive,

and then they have various lenses that are also large, heavy, and expensive.

Most come in a generic black color, which is fine for most people, especially New Yorkers, 

but look! Some come in this pretty blue. 

I really love blue.

And then some of the DLSRs need external flash packs, 

which is MORE money and stuff to lug around.

So let's be practical, these can get heavy and when you are already schlepping around, you want something lightweight to sling around your neck.

This Canon EOS Rebel SL1 Digital SLR Camera is new to the market, and is supposed to weigh in under a pound, before battery weight, and is smaller and less bulky. The price seems about on par for other smaller DSLRs on the market. With an existing flash plus mounts for more, hand grip, auto functions plus some manual ones, ability to switch out lenses, and both the traditional eye view-finder and digital screen, ... it's where I'd like to go on a camera, eventually.

From the Press Release photo kit

One day.

Dreaming Out Loud - Sabbatical

Photo from here

As you have seen, last month's cruise was a delightful sampling of vacation travel. It just whet my appetite for Canada, the Maritimes, sea sailing, travel, and being away from the City, the stresses, and all kinds of things.

I'm saving my pennies for a future trip. (Not my Canadian pennies, however.)

Ah ... some of my vivid dreams are to go back, go on other journeys, sail on a tall ship or yacht - but I'll cover that in another months.

Dreams, you see, can shift, and drift, and sail, and wisp away on currents ...


I came back and have been in the midst of all kinds of sea changes at the office. I find myself in familiar turbulent waters. To move the metaphor back to a land setting, I find myself approaching a crossroads.

I see the intersection coming up on the horizon.

The decisions are, go straight on full steam ahead, turn left ... or turn right -- both into the unknown.

Right now, I can't see the forest for the trees. I'm in the weeds.

Photo from here

To be totally pragmatic, my dream this month is about all about money.
Benjamins. Currency. Funding. Cash. Grants. Dollars -- and "Sense"

Image from here

Image from here

Money: So I can take a "sabbatical" to find out what I really want to do with the other half of my life.

If I wasn't worried about paying off my debt(s), paying my bills, and/or paying my rent, would I escape from current scenario and try new things, explore new locations, spend time with family, take my time and get re-educated/re-trained, and really plan what to do, instead of just lucking into career opportunities?

Yes.

Hell yes. 

In a gold-plated heartbeat.

Image from here

Life is too short to be this stressed-out and stuck behind a computer in a cubicle in an airless building.

But the reality is, this is just a VERY expensive dream. I don't have the kinds of fairy godmothers who have this kind of  discretionary giving. The ability to just to wave a not-insignificant money at a random person to wipe the slate, waive the monthly bills, build a nest egg, and fund a series of journeys down a new set a paths.

Maybe this isn't a really a sabbatical I'm dreaming about?

Time to keep stashing my coins in the wish jars.

Dreaming Out Loud - Canada Calling Me Home

Image from here

A few months ago I got a text from my friend Christine that read something to the effect of:

Do you have a passport?

Yes ...

And a few texts later:

Do you want to go on a cruise?

Depends on when and where ....

And still later:

To Canada?

I had to call her back after that one ... because I was shaking. A lot.

NB & Nat'l flag image from here

Back at the beginning of the year, when I started jotting down the preliminary notes for what would be the seeds for these future Dreaming Out Loud installments, I made the following entry: 

NOT a cruise, but a smaller boat trip – maybe to:

Prince Edward Island – for my Anne of Green Gables addiction, and to find the port of entry where my ancestors came in from England

Or

Alaska

I don't think I had ever articulated this dream to Christine. There are more times than I care to count, however, when Christine and I have been on some weird karmic connection when it comes to calls, cards, e-mails, jokes, observations and other odd things. 

Carnival Glory: Photo credit

After talking to her I got the details of this proposed cruise, and while it may not be the EXACT dream, it's pretty darn close. I've learned to start taking advantage of opportunities like this when they come up. Call it a prompting. An opening. What have you.

So I'm getting on a boat. A big boat. A ship even. This Carnival Glory cruise liner, actually. With over 5,000 other people and spending a week doing something I never envisioned at the beginning of this year when I started to dream. Cruising. Me. The introvert. Who would have thought? It will be an adventure to say the least. I hope poor Christine realizes what she's in for. (And, hopefully, The Shushing Librarian is coming with us, so who knows what will happen.)

Nova Scotia flag image from here

 

While it turns out this cruise won't be heading to Prince Edward Island, we will be getting close enough ... this time ... and spending a day exploring Saint John, New Brunswick and Halifax, Nova Scotia. While Saint John is also a port city, Halifax was a major port of call, especially back when my ancestors were migrating to North America and I feel there's this mysterious connection calling to me.

I just can't tell you where and what and when that connection is ... but it's there. In the seas. In the land. In the songs. In the breeze. And, in the genes.

 This trip is just whetting my appetite for the Canadian Maritimes.

Image from here

With a day in port in both cities, there is not time for major island hopping or genealogical explorations, so the plan includes touristy things, like:

 

Pier 21, Halifax: Photo credit

Citadel, Halifax: Photo credit

Public Gardens, Halifax: Photo Credit

Saint John, NB City Market: Credit

Photo credit

As more of our family history has been explored, more and more of the "pull" back to PEI can be explained due to family connections. I thought it was just my love for that "Anne Girl," but turns out my father's ancestors ended up settling in, and being buried, in the same mid-Island area that are close to the roads and lanes of L.M. Montgomery's beloved books. 

Photo credit

Photo credit

About two weeks after I agreed to go on the cruise, I got an e-mail from Cousin Frank, (the aforementioned author of the book about a paternal grandfather), outlining plans for the first Annual International Reunion scheduled for Prince Edward Island from July 25-29, reconnecting some of our family lines which have long been severed ("slightly") since the family left the island in 1850. 40 odd "cousins" were planning to visit family sites on the island, including homesteads, the port from whence the family sailed from PEI to the USA, the graveyard where a great+ grand-father and mother are buries, AND, (this is what got to me):

• "All of the Anne of Green Gables "stuff" ... Mongomery gravesite, schoolhouse, etc."

People who don't believe in mysterious heavenly influences having a tug on our heart strings and collective consciousnesses ... I don't get them. 

*MY* ancestors are definitely up there trying to get us all headed in the right direction --back up north -- but as usual, my timing is all off and I was overcommitted.

I still dream of PEI, but for the next week or so, I'll just be out to sea, coming close to "home" port, but not quite. I have a feeling I'll still be having sweet dreams.

Wish me luck and ... Bon Voyage  

until my return to the Attic and blogging in general.

Photo credit information

O Canada!
Our home and native land!
True patriot love in all thy sons command.

With glowing hearts we see thee rise,
The True North strong and free!

From far and wide,
O Canada, we stand on guard for thee.

God keep our land glorious and free!
O Canada, we stand on guard for thee.

"Sea" you soon ... or later.

Dreaming Out Loud - Photographer Phantasies

Image from here

Given last month's installment of Dreaming Out Loud re: my phobia of being photographed, not to mention my track record with cameras, this month's installment might seem strange to those people who are acquainted my oh-so-Graceful self. But, this is a Dream List, so I am putting this out there.

Stranger things have happened -- especially lately.

The whole area of photography has changed dramatically since I was a child. I grew up in an age when pictures were still taken with film and printed on photographic paper. The cost of the film, processing and printing it was what kept too many people from venturing beyond family, vacation, and holiday pictures. It was expensively prohibitive to start "experimenting" with artsy shots, and you weren't always sure WHAT you were going to get on film until it came back from the processors.

Now, growing up with a father who worked in the audio-visual medium, it is only natural that we kids gradually took an interest in photography. (But given the fact that we're all a little competitive ... it's better than some of us haven't really pushed to make a profession out of it.)

I still have prints from my high school pin-hole camera experiments. I actually miss the smell of the dark room and the chemicals. I miss having the knack of loading my film in a camera, by winding it manually onto the gears, or hearing the whirr of the automatic winding process. Until a few years ago, I had canisters of super old, probably expired and exposed, black and white film in my fridge, and I still can't give up my hard-earned, vintage third-hand, battered film Pentax and equipment. They are buried behind things by my desk in the Attic, but I can get to them in a hurry. It may be one of the five things I grab in the case of an emergency.

Digital photography has opened a whole new world of possibilities. There are cameras ON PHONES! Something that not more than 10 years ago would have been unimaginable. That those phones take better pictures than some of my old 35mm cameras? Even more remarkable. (Has the ease of digital cellphone photography made some people go too far? Yes. HELL YES. See any starlet with a scandal lately. And the selfie craze? ... Really people!)

I tend to stay behind the technology curve, due to an abundance of caution and a lack of funds. But once I did officially, finally, switch to digital point-and-shoots? Sometimes I have to remind myself that some of my shots are actually pretty good.* (Again, read over-saturation of images, everywhere, all the time, by all kinds of amazing friends and family, and inadequacy and competitive issues).

I would love to move beyond a point-and-shoot and see what else I could do when I was the one in charge again, and not using the albeit wonderful settings.

But ... I have a mixed success rate with keeping cameras in my hands. Two recent cases in point:
 

Nikon Coolpix 

2007-2011 RIP

Ms. Ruby Nikon 2.0 

2011-2012, RIP

And ... I have other funding priorities, like:
- paying the rent,
- paying the bills,
- paying off my graduate school student loans and other debts,
- affording trips to see the family and/or far-flung friends, and
- living in one of the most expensive areas in the country ...

And ... "write" now, this is just a hobby for me. I'm not the type of blogger who has sponsors sending her all over the country, or a semi/full-time photographer who takes pictures that are licensed for use elsewhere or used to make prints, cards, etc. that are sold through her etsy.com store, or as a (fill in the blank)

So...

I can't see spending the equivalent of upwards of 1 to 3 months worth of rent money on a piece of equipment for a HOBBY, even if it was an investment to move that hobby into a money-making venture. I am serious: 1-3 months of a NYC-adjacent studio apartment (studio even) rent, for a new DSLR BODY. If you add on lenses and flash packs and batteries and other accessories ... It adds up. Even checking out the used sections of camera stores like B&H Photo and Video in NYC (where all the following photos come from, except where noted), finds that used cameras cost almost a month's rent.

Thus, I'm Dreaming Out Loud.

I would love a DSLR - but they are so large, heavy, expensive,

and then they have various lenses that are also large, heavy, and expensive.

Most come in a generic black color, which is fine for most people, especially New Yorkers, 

but look! Some come in this pretty blue. 

I really love blue.

And then some of the DLSRs need external flash packs, 

which is MORE money and stuff to lug around.

So let's be practical, these can get heavy and when you are already schlepping around, you want something lightweight to sling around your neck.

This Canon EOS Rebel SL1 Digital SLR Camera is new to the market, and is supposed to weigh in under a pound, before battery weight, and is smaller and less bulky. The price seems about on par for other smaller DSLRs on the market. With an existing flash plus mounts for more, hand grip, auto functions plus some manual ones, ability to switch out lenses, and both the traditional eye view-finder and digital screen, ... it's where I'd like to go on a camera, eventually.

From the Press Release photo kit

One day.

You know, since I'm Dreaming Out Loud and all.

By the time I save up - something smaller, faster, lightweight, and most importantly, DROP RESISTANT will be on the market.


*Thus, some of this week's upcoming Photo Flashbacks.

Dreaming Out Loud - Camera Shy

Image from here

I used to think the whole concept of The Secret and vision boards was a bunch of new-agey hippy hooey.

I don't know if it's a WASP thing, or a family thing, or a generational thing, or even a "chick" thing, but the whole concept of
a) not appreciating what I already had/have, or
b) asking for anything, or
c) putting into words and/or putting "out there" the fears/desires/what-have-you, or
d) some combination of the above
is kind of a strange thing for me. I mean, other people have absolutely NO problem stepping out, stepping up, and practically SCREAMING to the world what they want, or think they are entitled to receive. Not me. I have to practically have a breakdown before I even admit I need help at work, for goodness sake.  (Um, please bosses? I need staff ... Please and thank you.)

Maybe it's an introvert thing?

Buckets at NRS HQ

I don't know. What I do know, however, is that I'm slowly, very very slowly, beginning to feel comfortable expressing a desire for some of the "extra," non-essential, seemingly silly things that I would like to come into my life. Instead of a "bucket" list - I've decided to Dream Out Loud. 

I know this is working. Case in point ... my need for the seashore. Voila. Day trip to the beach earlier this year, with some of the nicest friends, conditions, and lighting imaginable.

Also, months ago, in a draft of a document that is the ongoing draft of these posts, I entered a couple of notes about travel ... and out of the blue, things are starting to percolate.  But, really, NO ONE knew about things on that list - and suddenly I'm getting text messages that start with:

Do you have a current passport?

More on that later. But, given that, it's hard not to believe in this concept of Dreaming Out Loud.


So THIS post is about one of my biggest issues. Being "camera-shy" - cause *that's* what we'll call it - though it's not really about the camera.

These innocuous things ...

I have an almost pathological fear of being in front of them. Stemming from tweenhood. Body issues. Body dysmorphia. Yada yada yada. Whatever ... I know. But it's bad. Really, really bad.

On a tour of NRS HQ with J in January, we walked into the catalog shoot room. Just seeing these:

started a round of nausea, inappropriate joking, and kicked my fight or flight instinct into high gear.

Don't even get me started on Skype sessions with my family.

I loathe and despise having my picture taken, being on camera, being on film, or digitally captured. I'm trying to be better about it, because there does need to be a record that I was around. Thus the inclusion, over the last few years, of actual pictures of me on this blog and monthly sessions on Skype and FaceTime.

But ...

But ...

J & Christina's "wall"

But if we are being honest: here's the real reason for this month's dream. At my parents' house, there is the "wall." You know the wall. Most families have them like this. The one with the family portraits. The engagement shots. The wedding pictures. The school photos. The family pictures from milestones like reunions, christenings, etc.

Yeah, that wall.

I'm in a few shots of things from over the years. I had to be.

But the only portrait of me is from my college graduation. Almost 20 years ago.

Don't get me wrong. It is, and was, surprisingly, a semi-decent shot. Especially for a yearbook photo that I took with my teeth gritted behind a Mona Lisa smile.

But it's 20 years old.

Aside from my drivers license and passport photos, that's the only portrait of me that exists.

That probably should be rectified. I'm not that girl anymore. (And it wouldn't be helpful in emergency situations.)

But, you remember my little phobia of photos featuring me?

I'm trying not to pass on my issues to the next generation. The kids are not self-conscious; they are adorable and telegenic. They are also growing up with cameras pointed at them almost 24/7.

Me? I see a camera and freeze. And then unfreeze and get totally awkward. Given our society these days, I'm awkward all.the.time ... EVERYWHERE.

So my entry for this entry of Dreaming Out Loud is for help on this issue.

I need to learn how to pose for pictures: full, shoulders up, and head shots. I need to learn how not to freeze, or run away, or worry about how my chin looks. I need to learn which is my better side, how to smile so my chubby cheeks don't make my eyes disappear, or whether to grin, or smile, or what. I also need help with hair and makeup, how to accentuate what is good, bring out the hazel in my eyes and that weird grey ring, and to camouflage what's not so telegenic. How to stand so I look leaner - but please, not with that arm akimbo, leg out, pageant pose that EVERY one seems to be doing.

All so I can ultimately sit for a formal portrait that looks like me – one where I’m not self conscious, that I’m proud of, that doesn’t make me look weird, that will be “timeless” and that gets a glimpse of the glimmer of the self-confident person that is buried deep down in me somewhere.

Something so the kids remember who I was.

So there’s a photo for “the occasion,” if there’s one ever needed.

So I can go up on the wall at my parents' -- and feel like I belong there as part of my beautiful family.

Dreaming Out Loud - Holding out my hand to see

Image from here

Maybe there is something in this Dreaming Out Loud idea. I was just dreaming of the seashore, and then my friend, my darling friend Christine, persuaded me that I needed an overnight trip to the shore.

A trip where we saw gulls, pipers, osprey, heron, geese, sparrows, shellers, Scouts, snappers, diggers, duffers, dudes, and so much sun, sea, surf, sky, sand, shells, rocks, wrecks, and more. Marvels like an incredible strand of trees bedecked in shells, and a series of old tree stumps weathered by wind and surf into modern art, and so many many shells - some we left, others we brought home as souvenirs of an excellent adventure.

Thank you Christine!

I know I usually  Dream Out Loud earlier in the month, but when a dream is coming true, you stop and appreciate it before thinking of what else you might be dreaming. It seems rude to have a hand out asking for the next thing before you finish savouring the last. 

Photo via here

Which brings us to this month's Dream, which may seem peculiar. I have a dream to pop into a palmist or a tarot reader's establishment, with enough cash to pay so it can be anonymous, without notice, and see the kind of reading I might get from someone who does not know me, or have a way to do prior research via the Internets. 

Photo via here

While I believe that we make our own destiny, and I know that nature, nurture, our ancestors, and our own free will help us forge our paths, a little guidance can't hurt. I am probably a little more open-minded than some, having read a lot of fantasy and science fiction, and studied other cultures and religions, so I know that many consider that there may not be "one true way." I may not believe in reincarnation for myself, but I know that the spirit world is closer than we think. That's why I will NOT, however, play with a Ouija board, or invoke anything negative to enter my space via a seance, or even go to a psychic or a medium.

A little palm reading though? Or a little "card-flipping"? Those can be open to interpretation, and if you are careful not to reveal too much in advance, or via face/body language ... could be fun.

There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio,
Than are dreamt of in your philosophy.

~ Hamlet, William Shakespeare